What Do I Fancy in 2014?
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Posted:Jan 1, 2014 12:26 pm
Last Updated:Jan 9, 2014 2:45 am
89221 Views
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So it’s farewell
To twenty thirteen
Some times were good
And others real mean
But my favourite times
Were …. well …..
Slightly obscene
So now we’ve arrived at
twenty one four
I fancy
Yes fancy
Just a few more
Naughtiness times
Oh those times I’ll adore
But I might show restraint
And not get too sore!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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6
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Santa's Not Coming This Christmas!
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Posted:Dec 23, 2013 7:15 am
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2015 5:47 am
91049 Views
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Santa’s not coming this Christmas!
It was Mrs Claus’ fear.
With him getting old
And the weather so cold,
And he comes only once every year.
She really had great expectations
For her hubby’s annual come!
She’d planned things to do
And activities new -
The news left her feeling quite numb.
She knew the arts of titillation.
She’d once been a porn movie fluffer!
But despite all her arts
At reviving his parts,
She just couldn’t help out the old duffer.
“My mojo has gone!” complained Santa,
As he reached for some sweets from the bowl
He swallowed a few,
And chewed one or two
(He habitually snacked to console!)
“These Parma Violets are rubbish!
By goodness, how awful they taste!
Let’s throw them away!”
Then the elves cried out, “Hey!
Don’t you dare! That’s a terrible waste!”
Then they fessed up the “sweets” were Viagra.
He had eaten more than a few!
He had eaten a load,
And feared he’d explode,
But Mrs Claus knew what to do!
She rode with equestrian finesse!
She rode like Calamity Jane!
Through shudders and spasms
And countless orgasms
She rode him again and again!
But Santa was now superhuman
And soon all her energies spent,
She called to the elves,
“He needs help from yourselves!”
They obliged and helped the old gent.
All the elves and all of the reindeers
Were needed to dampen his surges.
And at the North Pole
Not one single soul
Escaped from Santa’s hot urges.
So if you’re there by the chimney,
Thinking that Santa’s quite late.
Come on! Have a heart!
Santa’s falling apart!
You won’t?
Well you’ll just have to wait!
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas!
warm xx
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6
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Services With A Smile
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Posted:Dec 21, 2013 4:57 am
Last Updated:Jan 3, 2014 2:02 am
89718 Views
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This Motorway services toilet was either created by the world's greatest designer-douchebag or a comic genius.
Step 1
You reach for the toilet paper, indicated A in the picture.
Step 2
Your arm sets off a sensor, shown as B.
Step 3
Which flushes the toilet bowl, C, while you are still sitting on it. Needless to say, it is a sufficiently mighty flush to rinse and otherwise disturb your nether anatomy.
Step 4
So you reach for the toilet paper, indicated A ....... 
The toilet has been in operation for years!!!!!
Irish visitors have been stuck in there for hours on end!!! 
Surely it's got to be a practical joke! Surely!
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4
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Angel on a Christmas Tree
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Posted:Dec 20, 2013 12:37 am
Last Updated:Dec 25, 2013 3:51 am
89748 Views
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I’m poised atop the Christmas tree.
I’m trying to show some class,
But it’s really rather tricky,
With those needles up my ass.
Each night I try to flap my wings.
A desperate bid at flight….
But launching’s just impossible.
That tree’s wedged in too tight!
And then some three weeks later,
This mortal sets me free.
Hip hip hooray! Calloo Callay!.....
Till the next Christmas tree.
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4
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Puzzling...
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Posted:Dec 17, 2013 3:54 am
Last Updated:Dec 21, 2013 4:15 am
90929 Views
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What do you think this is?
The answer's in the comments. But no cheating or peeking first!
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21
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The Irony of Innocence
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Posted:Dec 16, 2013 5:46 am
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2013 12:24 am
89468 Views
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So precious was
My innocence
My sense of wonder
Sense of awe
Yet traded
For experience
This precious gift
Is now no more
This wordly wisdom
Bought so dear
So often both
With grief and tear
And now, in order
To seem strong
I detach self
It was so long
Ago, when then naïve
Before those gifts
Did I receive.
Gifts like the
Poisoned cynic’s eye
That sneers at those
Who ask, “How? Why?”
Unknowingly
What a poor trade
Those years ago
My young self made.
The irony is felt
with remorse –
It was with innocence
Of course!
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2
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Too Much of a Good Thing.......
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Posted:Dec 15, 2013 2:00 am
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2013 9:24 am
90936 Views
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Clearly, too much of a good thing doesn't do you good!
So I wonder what we'd say for sex .....
Any suggestions?
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5
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Deadly Sperm Buildup
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Posted:Dec 13, 2013 4:23 am
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2013 9:16 am
90670 Views
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Oh the curse of the verse! I was reading [post 3286701] by [blog intendadiversion] and this cropped up:
Oh dearie me!
I’ve DSB!
Someone out there
Please help me!
I’m looking for,
I must confess,
A lady who’s got
GGS*
I shall become
A total toad
And email her
That I will explode,
Or suffer from
Spermtoxic
blindness.
Hmmm!
That should tug
At every kindness!
So to get some hot relief
I’ve got to nurture some belief
That she is doing all she can
For the benefit of man.
Of course it’s really
about whoring.
Any more -
Well,
That gets boring.
And if she wants
Much more from me
I’ll go on about being free!
Tell her don’t get in a tizzy,
And after all I’m far too busy!
* - GGS = Gullible Girl Syndrome. Fortunately women bloggers appear to be highly immune! Woohoo! Great news for Blogland!  
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4
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Haiku 69
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Posted:Dec 8, 2013 1:22 am
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2013 9:14 am
90693 Views
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lingam sinks inside
to feel pulsating pleasure
my desires explode
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2
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Railway Station Desperation
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Posted:Dec 5, 2013 5:09 am
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2013 12:36 am
84321 Views
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About to go Clapham Junction
She had that urge, that body function.
So off she went to have a wee,
But needed change of 30p.
She tried to stop the passers-by,
But none would help! “Oh why? Oh why?”
Our heroine asked, in her plight,
As her bladder became tight.
And then she thought, “Oh gosh! Oh golly!
I’ll crouch behind that baggage trolley!
It won’t be much – I’m only likkle,
I’m sure I’ll only make a trickle.”
She sneaked into that secret place
And hoped she could avoid disgrace.
Things became then quite abhorrent –
Not a trickle but a torrent,
Rolling like the Amazon,
Twenty feet down Platform One.
Sunlight reflected off the stream
Blinded a copper with its gleam.
He went to her, said, “Well, well well!”
Escorted her to a police cell.
He said, “Ma’am, you have been naughty,
But I’m a little watersporty.”
Thanks to that chance digression
There was no need for a confession.
The moral of my tale is this,
Always have the change to piss,
If apprehended by the law
You may need to pee some more.
I know this is a deeply dodgy moral, but I had to to round off this yarn somehow!
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Swimsically Yours
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Posted:Dec 4, 2013 12:25 am
Last Updated:Dec 13, 2013 9:32 am
93063 Views
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I’m a real believer in looking after myself. One of my favourite forms of exercise is swimming and most weeks I go swimming about three to four times a week. Other days I exercise in other ways. I’m often in the great outdoors, on some hill or other anything up to a couple of hundred miles away, and the great indoors is not to be looked over either.
When it comes to swimming I’m really businesslike – 600 metres non-stop, alternating front crawl and breast stroke. A travelling childhood, along with my dad’s secretary being a swimmer in the infamous 1936 Olympics (yes, she swam for the Third Reich!) and giving free coaching, means I can swim pretty efficiently, which is satisfying. My local pool is uncrowded during the week and sometimes I have the whole of it to myself – all the ripples are mine and I feel like a millionaire!
A bit like running, there is a point when my body is doing what it should be doing, like a well-oiled machine, more or less, and my mind enters the zone. In the blueness it’s free to think, and it thinks in a different way from when I’m writing, slower, almost meditative. So I usually have one idea that slowly surges back and forth through my consciousness.
One idea really hit me. Maybe it was because I was swimming. Maybe because a number of women bloggers have written about this phenomenon that I’m spared from – emails from men. It’s always intrigued me that the male to female ratio on this site is at least ten to one, although reliable statistics are hard to come by, but it’s something like that. A-F-F don’t help matters by guaranteeing a guy on this site will get laid within three months, which is a pretty blatant and distasteful reduction of women on this site to commodities – I was hoping that western civilisation had moved on from that medieval mindset. But it almost certainly helps to create an unrealistic expectation among the mentally unreconstructed male, leading to some odd behaviours.
But I digress. There I was, swimming along with just the blue and my imagination for company. All these men and relatively few women, a nice metaphor was all these sperm trying to reach the egg. Some sperm are simply rubbish swimmers, mutants with two tails that wrap around each other, or little or no tails at all. They don’t make it. Then there are those whose navigation skills are useless (and they don’t stop to ask directions!). They don’t make it. Or react badly the chemistry of the woman’s body fluids. They don’t make it either.
In fact there’s a whole host of barriers and setbacks and something like two hundred million sperm are reduced to a tiny number, one of which will score the jackpot. This is the awesome power of natural selection in miniature.
Then I thought of the many representatives of my gender here. Some don’t read the woman’s profile so they email someone who is clearly an inappropriate match. They don’t make it. Others don’t put much effort into their own profiles, so it’s a total mystery who they are. They don’t make it. Then there are those whose powers of self-expression – spelling, grammar, content – seem to be nothing short of cringeworthy. They don’t make it either.
In fact there’s a whole host of barriers and setbacks, many not mentioned and many self-imposed, that change the odds pretty radically. Isn’t there a selection process at work here too?
So there it was. My whimsical, swimsical thought for the day.
I put my legs together for a moment, gave a little wiggle, and swam on!
Oh, I was wearing trunks ….. Happy HNW!
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6
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So I Clutched It Hard and Burst Into Tears
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Posted:Dec 2, 2013 2:58 am
Last Updated:Dec 6, 2013 10:27 pm
92859 Views
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Fear not! Warm has not entered the darker domains of autoeroticism, much as you might suspect that this could well be the demise of a poor once-innocent blogger corrupted by the adult naughtiness of A-F-F.
I am of course referring to my Gwyneth Paltrow moment as I tightly clutch the Sexy Blogger Award given to me by dear and lovely Amara of [blog AmaranthsWorld]. I have of course, between tears, sobs and blubs thanked my entire extended family, pets included, and everyone else I can think of, allowing for my hysterical state.
I am of course, so flattered, so buttered up that I will now reveal seven things you probably did not know about me until now, although in over 500 posts I've probably given away everything, dignity included.
So here goes:
1. Mein Gott in Himmel! Ja, I was born in Germany and since I was not given a birth certificate for over ten years I was technically German for my early formative years. This entitles me to make politically incorrect and inappropriate jokes, do fake German accents, and say very naughty things in German during sex.
2. I always sleep naked and have done so since I was 18.
3. I cannot eat cheese. I am intolerant to butyric acid, which is the substance that gives cheese its cheesiness. Ewwww!
4. I didn't get a car driving licence until I was 27, although I had taken the controls of a 60 seat airliner, passengers on board, at the age of 13 and driven a tank when I was 16.
5. I never wrote poems until I started blogging here.
6. I have had two ghostly experiences and two dreams that accurately foresaw the future. I have no explanation for any of these weird events, just that I'm glad such things are a rarity in most of our lives.
7. I have been broadcast on TV only once. A friend texted me all the way from Dubai saying she was watching me on the telly!
I was similarly tagged in a previous post a while ago which led to the post I39ve been Tagged Ten and a Bit Warm Revelations. I've tried to post new things this time, more or less, but seven is quite enough and you really don't have to look if you don't want to.
Finally, I have to give the award to sexy bloggers I know. There are many, so I'm giving the award to sexy bloggers with recent posts in alphabetical order:
[blog Addzisback], [blog AliciaBlonde], CampoGirl, [blog DirtyDiva33], [blog intendadiversion], [blog kinkyfem73], [blog misskissin], [blog PassionCork], [blog SandraD1000], [blog sexyfunlady2011], sweet_VM
And if allowed, I'd give my own award to Amara. 
Can I do that? I mean to say if this site was that strict it would be swallowed up by alt dot com.
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5
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Beware of mermaids - They're sooo bad!!!!
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Posted:Nov 30, 2013 4:08 am
Last Updated:Dec 13, 2013 9:41 am
85130 Views
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Six sweet mermaids by the sea
Crawled out from the surf to me.
The first said, “Dear Warm, make a wish.”
I did - so then they weren’t half fish,
Just crawling maidens – see the scene
Licking new found pussies clean.
Mermaid one gave great head
As I lay on my sandy bed.
What can I say of mermaid two?
I’m just amazed what she could do.
Mermaid three! Mmmmmmmm! Mermaid three!
The naughty things she did to me.
Which brings me now to mermaid four
For a mermaid what a !
Now gorgeous, lovely mermaid five
Restored me – I was half alive!
And then, oh dear, mermaid six
Wore me out with all her tricks.
So if you’re walking by the sea
Beware! And then just think of me!
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Most Recent Comments by Others
| What Do I Fancy in 2014? (19) | scarletgirl0
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| So I Clutched It Hard and Burst Into Tears (30) | CampoGirl
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| Angel on a Christmas Tree (20) | CampoGirl
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| Puzzling... (30) | MyNameIsKay
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| Too Much of a Good Thing....... (22) | MyNameIsKay
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| Deadly Sperm Buildup (23) | MyNameIsKay
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| The Irony of Innocence (12) | moonfire2u
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| Haiku 69 (18) | sexysixties2
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| Swimsically Yours (32) | MyNameIsKay
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