The Gang's All Here
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Posted:Nov 28, 2009 10:01 pm
Last Updated:Dec 4, 2009 5:26 am
12581 Views
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The gang came over last night for a night of cards and frolic, did I just use the word frolic?  Oh my!  Purp really needs more of a life y'all. 
It was Bobby Buttlicker, Toad, Insane Shane, Doug The Half Bug, my old man, and of course purp. Wouldn't be a party without purp, eh? LOL 
In all actuality purp was the only one not drinking. 
Insane Shane was losing his money playing poker whilst 3 sheets to the wind. I wouldn't recommend it. 
We're not completely terrible friends though, it was only a lil money cuz we play nickles, dimes, and quarters with a limit on how much you can bet.
One half gallon of Kessler's and a little over a fifth of Hot Damn later the cards had to come to an end cuz drunks simply lack focus.
Bobby Buttlicker suddenly disappeared about 1:00 A.M. but he couldn't have gone far seeing as he was on foot......I place my bet on his reliable "Booty Call" just 4 short homes from mine.
I SO wonder if he got any cuz he was in quite a belligerent type of mood that night. He started on Toad first. When Toad arrived Bobby Buttlicker said "Dude, you can't party here without your teeth!"
Like an obedient drunk, Toad went home and returned a few minutes later.......with teeth! 
Buttlicker's ex-girlfriend, former stalker, who also just so happens to be my next door neighbor, stopped by......she was only here a minute or two and Buttlicker asks her "Where's your boyfriend?"
Can you say S~O~R~E S~P~O~T ?
OUCH!
She left immediately.
Her boyfriend after Buttlicker turned out to be a married man stringing along about 20 other women as well as her.
Last night I was feeling pretty frisky, I decided to try and sleep in my own bed for the first time since the surgery, rather than the hospital bed in the spare bedroom.
It didn't go very well.
I could not find a comfy position to save my life! between 4 and 5 A.M. I briefly considered getting up and going back to my hospital bed. (it has a remote and you can raise the back) Sleeping flat still hurts my sternum a bit.
Luckily purp decided to tough it out, cuz Bobby Buttlicker crawled back after his "disappearance" and was sleeping in that bed! Wouldn't that have scared the hell outta his drunk ass!
I hope y'all had a Happy Thanksgiving.
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9
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Pets Safely Secured
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Posted:Nov 23, 2009 8:07 pm
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2009 2:49 pm
14403 Views
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Well, purple's new pets have been safely secured ...... the cage has been modified to include three levels complete with ramps, lil hidey hole houses, toys, chew sticks, and soft bedding for.........3 cute lil rats! 
The rats are all painfully obviously boys, so there will be NO unexpected "surprises".
The first one is black with a cute little white belly. I named him "Licorice Whip". He is a Rex so he has slightly curly whiskers and wavy fur. He's cute and best of all he is sweet and lets me hold him without any problems.
The second one is tan and white with a rather long tail. He makes the cutest quiet squeaking noises and has very soft fur. He definitely appears to be the smart one of the bunch so I named him "Einstein".
Then there is the third rat. He is black and white, also a Rex with very curly whiskers and quite wavy fur. He has a white tail despite the fact their tails are hairless. I thought he was super cute. He has some ahhhhhhh.....behavioral issues.......
He is Demon Spawn!
He terrorizes the cage, picks fights with the others, tears up anything, I do mean ANYTHING I put in the cage. He is hyper, he hops and jumps, hangs from the sides and ceiling, knocks over the cute lil hidey hole houses etc.......
I can't keep calling him "Demon Spawn", I have to come up with an appropriate name for the lil devil. It has to fit his evil persona though.
Can you think of a name that works?
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Pick A Pet
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Posted:Nov 14, 2009 4:59 pm
Last Updated:Nov 17, 2009 3:48 pm
13822 Views
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Over a year ago I had to re-home my beloved cat of nearly 12 years, Mr. Binx. He repeatedly developed urinary tract infections despite special food and veterinary intervention. This caused poor Mr. Binx to pee on the floor and with my running a daycare that just wasn't working......
I had such feelings of guilt I would "hear" him pawing at the back door months later. He thought he was a and went in and out of the house to use the potty. (most of the time) 
Well, now that I have WAY too much time on my hands I am feeling the desire to obtain a pet.
Trouble is I have no idea what kind of pet to get.
It can't be a cat, cuz if I were to have a cat it would have to be Mr. Binx.
It can't be a dog, cuz after my adventures in sitting I darn well know purp is N~O~T a person.
So, purp is open to any and all suggestions for a new pet to lavish some love and attenton on.
What should my new pet be?
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10
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Humpday Humor
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Posted:Nov 11, 2009 8:46 pm
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2009 5:03 pm
11951 Views
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Cooter And Gomer
Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.
The three men had always done everything together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Stanley .'
The mortician thought this was rather strange.
So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.
Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up.
Roll him over.'
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Stanley '
The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'
Gomer said, 'Well, Stanley had two assholes.'
'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.
'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:
'There's Stanley with them two assholes.'
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7
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The Pacemaker
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Posted:Nov 6, 2009 10:36 am
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2009 6:36 pm
11940 Views
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Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment, well when am I not seeing some doctor LOL but anyway......it was to have my lovely new pacemaker read.
Science has truly made incredible leaps and bounds in the medical field. I was somewhat amazed.
This was the easiest doctor's appointment ever. I was told to sit in a recliner and relax. I can handle that. They then placed a device that resembled a computer mouse on my chest above the pacemaker and put EKG leads on me.
The computer then "read" my pacemaker. It showed I very rarely paced. In fact it pinpointed the day and time I had experienced Atrial Tachycardia........October 12th at 2:30 pm. I was in Cardiac Rehab at the time and the nurses made me slow down on the treadmill. I remember that clearly cuz I felt light headed.
WOW!
I didn't know they would get that much information from it. I only used the pacemaker 0.6 percent of the time so I asked if one ever gets rid of a pacemaker after getting one.
Very rarely. Dang it!
Oh well, all in all it was encouraging news and it says I have 9 years of battery life left.
My resting heart rate has also finally come down due to medications and exercise. It was 110 to 120 and is now at a steady 75.
I am pleased.
Does anyone have personal experience with a pacemaker?
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Happy Humpday
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Posted:Nov 4, 2009 9:33 am
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2009 4:14 pm
12786 Views
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Hope y'all had a happy Halloween. My inner was indulged again for another year.  I did NOT wear my "Naughty Nurse" costume to Cardiac Rehab.......I decided it was a wee bit short. I DID wear my "Big Hairy Pussy" costume however. Complete with bell collar. LOL It rained that day (hard) so I was "Wet Pussy".
Went out as a "Serving Wench" with my friends. My first night out after the surgery...WOO HOO! It was a little strange not drinking even one drop of alcohol, but I still had a good time.
Ran into several people I knew, made some new friends, you know......the usual "night out" stuff. LOL
I asked this guy dressed in a costume if I could take his picture. He said "You don't know who I am do you?" I answered "Sure I do, you're "The Joker".  It was a guy I know from WAY back, Jerry. Small world sometimes, eh?
We danced, we laughed, we formed a Conga line around the bar LMAO and then a very drunk guy came and asked for my phone number.
I gave him my best friend's number.
She got mad. 
Oops!
Bobby Buttlicker left us early and went to another bar with his buddies. When I was safely home eating more Halloween candy at 2:10 A.M. the phone rang.
It was Bobby Buttlicker.
Now ya have to imagine the most pathetic slurred speech and drunken drawl for Buttlicker's half of the conversation we had:
Buttlicker-What are you doing?
Me- Not Much. (chews candy)
Buttlicker-Your home already?
Me-Well, I did answer the house phone, eh?
Buttlicker-The band is still playing here. (hiccup)
Me-Lucky you my buttlicking friend.
Buttlicker-"click"
Ah yes.......the joys of the "Drunk Dialer".
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Rehab
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Posted:Oct 27, 2009 12:19 pm
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2009 8:10 pm
14456 Views
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I am in Cardiac Rehab at our local hospital. We exercise under nurse supervision wearing a heart monitor, blood pressure checks etc.....
We got a new guy in class yesterday. His name was Fred. It was Fred's birthday yesterday too.
Fred can walk on the treadmill faster than me. Fred can ride on the Nu Step machine faster than me. Fred's heart rate returned to normal so he could get his blood pressure checked and get out of there faster than me.
I know, I know.......it's not a race or a contest. 
Guess how old Fred was.
.......................
.......................
C'mon, take a guess....
.......................
.......................
He was freaking 80 Years old!
I was outdone by an 80 year old!
Friday I am gonna wear my Naughty Nurse costume to rehab, we'll see of any of those nurses have a sense of humor. LMAO
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12
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"Him" Part 3
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Posted:Oct 23, 2009 9:28 pm
Last Updated:Oct 26, 2009 3:49 pm
13571 Views
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He practically ripped his clothes off and even lost a few buttons off his shirt. Just like that he slid into the silky warm water.
The scented oil perfumed the water as well as the air and left a soft silky film on his skin. He straddled her with his legs and pulled her close to his body so they were spooning.
Cradling her in his arms he nestled his face in her hair as his hands wandered down her back, over her hips and around to her wet slit. She instinctively parted her thighs and gave him access to her womanhood.
As he stroked her clit she reached behind herself and started to work his limp tool. It quickly responded and sprang back to life under her probing fingers.
The warm oily water caused them to slide around a bit as he sat her on his lap and slowly entered her. She squealed with delight as he filled her completely and purposely pumped in and out with one had gripping each of her breasts.
She was dripping wet from the foreplay as well as her scented oil so he glided in and out of her pussy effortlessly allowing him to build to a fevered pace. After a few minutes he was pounding her glory hole like a jackrabbit on speed. The faster he pumped the harder she bounced and the deeper he went.
The friction against her pulsating clit was building a monster orgasm. She urged him on hissing "faster, oh yeah.......don't stop!"
He flipped her over so she was hanging on the edge of the tub and entered her from behind. Within seconds he had found her G spot which caused her to finally crest the wave she was riding. She let loose with the best squirting orgasm she had ever experienced. Her honey was washing over his balls, squirting out, and running down her legs.
He pumped into her soaking wet quivering pussy one more time then let loose himself. Her legs were wobbly and her voice quavered as she said "Happy Anniversary honey." and gave him a big wet kiss.
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6
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"Him" Part 2
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Posted:Oct 21, 2009 5:36 pm
Last Updated:Oct 25, 2009 4:30 pm
12100 Views
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Not needing any more enticement he started to caress her shoulders sliding his hands down to her breasts and pausing just long enough to squeeze each nipple gently, rolling them between his forefinger and thumb.
Her pulse quickened and her instantly hard nipples proclaimed how much she was enjoying what he was doing. After a few moments she reached out and stroked the crotch of his jeans. His bulge let her know he was diggin what she was doing too.
She eagerly reached out and yanked down his zipper freeing his rock hard cock. Fully erect and pointing to the ceiling, his manhood measured and impressive eight inches, was veiny, had a mushroom head and more than adequate girth.
Wrapping her warm hands around his meat she slid them up and down the length, slowly at first then picking up speed. A small moan escaped his lips which spurred her on. She kissed and licked his cock and balls then engulfed the entire shaft in her hot mouth, flicking her tongue along the underside of the head as it headed toward her throat. She took him as far down her throat as she could till her gag reflex kicked in.
Totally turned on by her muffled gagging sounds he grabbed a handful of her hair and started fucking her throat with abandon. The heat of her mouth and the friction of his wild pumping quickly sent him over the edge. He came in frenetic spurts spewing his seed down her throat.
She greedily swallowed every drop and licked her lips not wanting to waste an ounce of salty goodness. He slumped forward completely drained. She playfully splashed a little water on his face and said "catch your breath and lose those clothes so you join me in here sexy!"
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To link to this blog (purpletrashcan) use [blog purpletrashcan] in your messages.
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I milked that pain relief out by taking it only at night for the past 2 and 1/2 weeks.
