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The labours of the home mechanic
Posted:Aug 19, 2009 4:56 am
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2010 12:41 pm

Yesterday was an annoying day.

I have been working on the family car, an elderly Fiat Punto Mk1 55s. It does well with fuel and performance. However it seems to lack most of the horsepower it left the factory with.
I think this is due to gross neglect by previous owners. Every time I repair something, it gives me better and better results.
So far I have done the following:

Brake pads and brakes overhaul.
Greased wheel bearings
Ungunked all locks on doors
New fuel pump
New fuel filter.....strapped in place with the straps off a strap on dildo.
New rear speakers, (Two way.....sounds kinky)
New headlights and wiring to lights
New windscreen wipers
New air filters
Five engine oil changes and flushes to remove varnish
New thermostat for water cooling system
New spark plugs
New spark coils
Cleaned fuel injection system
Loads of work on air intake box and engine breather tubes.


I discovered yesterday that most of the error reporting bulbs are missing from the dashboard. eg, temperature, oil pressure and brake failure.

I'm sure I can fix it. Resolving the issues will just take ages as I resolve all the neglect issues, one at a time.

Hopefully, while the are in bed I might be able to find time to change the differential oil/gear oil, (Margerine after 60,000 miles of neglect), and install a new oil pressure gauge.
Ouch, ouch ouch.....why I don't go nude
Posted:Aug 14, 2009 3:49 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2010 12:42 pm

Well the other day the family and I visited Shell Island in North Wales. It's a wonderful island, connected to the rest of the world via a tidal causeway. With a little tweek of the sat nav, we could have gone to another nearby beach, the beach in question is a nude beach. However, we have the so it's not appropriate and I'd burn burn burn in the sun.

When we were living in Houston, Texas, we took a few trips to the beach at Galvaston. That was before hurricane Ike hit, and took out Galvaston. It was ok, but I spent most of the time hiding from the sun under a brolly. Like a vampire at the gates of dawn.

Well on this trip to Shell Island, I decided to wear my shorts and a nice big shirt that my wife was given when she left her last job. It's got the logo of some Texan team on it, but it's better than a Birmingham city shirt in Wales.....sort-of.

The sun was nice.....burnt my legs, forearms and the back of my neck. I'm stinging as I type this. I forgot my damn sunblock. My own fault. However I guess it would be of little help if I ever did make it to a nude beach.

Anyway, we had great fun. We took the swimming in the crystal clear sea, ran on the beach and flew a kite.
Superb.....even if I spend the next few days wincing at the sun burn.
The little old Fiat did well, over 300 miles, aprox 20 pounds petrol.
The seaside shower block.......
Posted:Aug 11, 2009 3:50 am
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2022 7:45 am

Wales is known for many things. Rain, Sheep, a coal mining heritage, slate....and of course beautiful people. The land is pretty too.

The camp site was much like many others that pepper the coast of North Wales. Lots of posh caravans, (Most of them made by Willerby), all in rows. Sand dunes filled with bunnies and fornicating teenagers, a shower block, parking area and a big beautiful beach.

Two miles of beach in fact......

It was like one of those holidays my parents would take me on. A week in Wales, steady drizzle and strong wind that could fly a tin bucket. I'd decided to go there to get away from everything. Packed up my three cats and took them with me. So what if the caravan owners didn't allow animals. Tom, Luke and Beau sat on the caravan windowsill and stared out at the rain, making occasional chirups and hunting sounds when they spotted a rabbit. The window had a commanding view of a sand dune, the shower block, (For the tent campers), and a rusty Volvo.

I decided to go for a shower in the shower block. The caravan I was renting had it's own shower, but the wind and rain was relentless and I wasn't about to go driving. I pulled a towel out of my luggage, fed the cats and locked up the caravan.

I was wearing my keys around my neck on a chain, and a simple robe.....oh and sandals. I could have been camping in Miami if it hadn't been for the driving rain and the icy wind whistling up my crack. That was a mistake.......

Half way to the shower block I forgot I was wearing sandals, and stepped in a rabbit hole, twisted and fell flat on my face in the boggy grass. The robe offered scant protection for my dignity and opened to expose me as I fell. I stood up and realised I'd flashed my bum at the neighbours and had mud all over my face, chest and legs. Gee lovely.
Wrapping myself again, I staggered back to the caravan for another towel, since I'd dropped that in the mud.

I must have been a little distracted, because I failed to hear anyone approaching. As I was locking up the caravan for the second time I was startled to turn and see a woman, also wearing a robe and sandals.....brown hair flowing over her shoulders in lazy curls.

"You alright?", she said.

"Only bruised my dignity"

"Good....I enjoyed the view"

We wandered over in the direction of the shower block again, the rain lashed down more strongly this time. I honestly don't think I saw rain that strong again until I moved to Houston in 2007.

"Have you used the showers before?", she asked.

"They're a little basic.......", her voice trailed off as I walked into the shower room porch and realised there were no seperate male and female showers. Just a row of shower heads in a grey tiled wet room.

"At least they're free", she said.

And with that, she pushed past me, hanging her robe on one of the hooks by the door, wandering naked towards the shower area. I stood, stunned for a moment, then decided to do the same, walking to the shower head close by, plastered in mud.

She sniggered as I tried to wash off the mud as quickly as possible, working fast with my soap on a rope. I glanced up and quietly thanked the lord I'd decided to holiday in this backwater. The soapy water was cascading over her body, bubbles flowing over her ample breasts and bottom. She turned to face me and smiled as I followed the bubbles down between her legs, over a perfectly shaved pussy.

The water washed the soap away, as she stood, rubbing herself.

"Getting horny", she said.

I had to admit I'd not noticed my rising erection, but at that I noticed I was hard as a rock. She stepped out of the shower spray, and sat down on a convenient low tiled wall that seperated the shower area from the robe area. Spreading her legs and laying back she waved me over and smiled.

"Lick me....", she said.

Hmmmm, I bent and started to lick her, feeling my cock touch on the cold damp tiles as I did so. Running my tongue, first over her labia, then up over and in circles around her clit. She started to moan. I extended a finger and started to finger her as I licked.

"Lower, lower....."

I licked lower. She tasted slightly salty, slightly sweet....very good.

"Weather's been so bad, my husband and I have spent the morning fucking.....I must have cum three times today already. I know Brian came at least once.....can you tell?"

She wriggled as I continued to lick, and spread her legs a little wider, moving a hand to my shoulder as I bent to lick her over her left side. As I licked, I felt the hand running down my back, around to my cock, squeezing my balls, then fingers trailing around to my arse crack again.
She moaned....

"Lower my dear...!"

In the dim yellow light of the shower room I could see traces of cum in her pussy. I decided to suck and flick my tongue into her, gulping down her man's cum. for a for a pound.....

"Fuck me!"

Hmmm with pleasure......

I grabbed her legs by the back of her knees and slowly slipped into her wet velvety softness. If she's been fucking all morning, I couldn't tell. Damn, she was tight.
She wrapped her legs about me and I moved my hands around to cup her cheeks and showly fucked her.

I kept pounding as I trailed my fingertips gently over her natural breasts, arms, belly and then to her clit. With my cock buried in her, I ran my index finger over her clit in circles.
Around and around until......she arched her back, and I felt her pussy convulse around my cock.

I decided that would be a good time to pull out. I bent, kissed her gently on the neck as she lay back, gasping and smiling like a cheshire cat. Shrugging my robe back on and covering my still hard cock, I slipped on my sandals, bowed and wandered back to my caravan.

That night, above the sound of the wind, rain and the sea crashing on the beach, I thought I could hear her and her man fucking loudly. I wonder if she ever told him about the fellow who licked out his cum in the shower block.
The day the sun shone......
Posted:Aug 8, 2009 5:58 am
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2022 7:45 am

Some places get a hold on the soul. In my childhood I was lucky enough to be taken on some les usual holidays. In the 1970's and 80's, while the rest of the I knew were being taken to France, Spain and Greece, my parents were taking holidays in Wales and the Isle of Wight.
I learnt a lot.
So it was about 20 years ago, we visited a place called Shell Island. Not strictly speaking an island, because it's a patch of land connected to the mainland by a tidal causeway. It's near the seaside town of Barmouth and Harlech. It is beautiful.
I remember being we drove there in my parent's dirty white Ford Cortina.....that the island had a beach suitable for nude bathing. As a result I imagined it might be sheltered, perhaps warm. It wasn't! Wind that could fly a tin bucket. On the beach, one dog, braving the wind and sand blasting from whipped up sand.
We walked around until we could stand it no longer...then went back to the shelter of the caravan site at Barmouth bay holiday village.
Well, rememebering the sand and the wind, I decided to take the family to Shell Island again the other day. No nude beach of course.....I think if it ever existed, well....common sense must have put an end to it.
However, we had wonderful weather. All the way there and all day. There was just enough wind to fly kites safely. More than enough sun to get a tan. Wonderful
Barmouth.....brief family holidays.
Posted:Jul 30, 2009 4:49 am
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2010 12:48 pm

The family and I had a good day yesterday. While Stoke on Trent and much of the rest of the country was suffering rain, we decided to ignore the warnings and go on a day trip to Barmouth.
For those who have never been, Barmouth is a Welsh seaside town.
Much can be said of the town. There are lots of shops, good parking, a nice beach and a tidal estuary. The area is serviced by a local railway and there is a steam train service too. The hotels nestle in steep cliffs and amid the usual amusement arcades are wonderful cafes and trinket shops. There are also all the usual supermarkets and banks. No major fast food joints though.
One notable cafe is called the Arousal Cafe.....seriously!
There is also a wonderful milk bar and an american diner that reminds me of Fonz and the Happy Days gang......nuff said!
We found one very relaxed shop that sold legal high smokeable material. Smells nice.....

We decided to end the day with a trip to a pup on the way home....for a pub lunch. It's called The Half-Way House.
We should have walked out and gone some place else but were too polite.
Two cokes.....that tasted like watered down stores own brand cola....warm, no ice.
Two meals:
Burger and chips with black currant cordial(V.dilute) and a tiny blob of icecream in a cone.
The icecream tasted OK but would have been nicer if there had been more and served in a bowl.
Chips were oven chips....OK but not brilliant.
The burgers were nasty stale baps, microwaved from frozen. We all know how bad frozen baps are. Crunchy and rubbery.
No cheese slice, pickle or salad.
Burger meat was microwaved from frozen....may have once been fried. The found them closer to beef jerky. Bent the knifes trying to cut them.
My felt sick all night.
Erm, so if you're in the Barmouth area, avoid this pub.

Jess and I decided against the adult menu and we drove to The Holt Lodge Inn in Wrexham. We had the burger meal there and it was perfect. A hand-made beef burger served with salad, salsa, cheese, bacon and a lovely bun.....Great value. Ohhh also perfect hand made chips and coleslaw. We left feeling sad that the had suffered such poor meals at the other pub earlier in the evening. All the could manage was a lovely cup of tea to wash away their nasty Half way house burgers.

Finally we got home and were able to wash the sand of the beach off our feet.....
The fell asleep as soon as they were in bed. Hurrah!

Jess and I finished the day with a wonderful deep throat 69.....
Hmmmmm Jess tasted so good.
Posted:Jul 26, 2009 5:15 am
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2009 4:33 am

There are, and there always have been, employment agencies that take the piss. These companies charge their too much, fail to return calls and attempt to send the wrong people miles out of their way for jobs with scant rewards.
I have had my share of such agencies. Often their failure to check references and perhaps the qualifications listed on my resume has gotten me into some interesting jobs.

One good example is a job I was assigned in the middle of well......almost Derbyshire. Fine if I'd been living locally, but poor since I was living in Wolverhampton and the drive was aprox 60 miles each way. After that one I kept the computer running with multimap next to the phone. Never accepted an assignment more than 15 miles away.

Imagine an office unit, so far away from anywhere that it's irritating just to think about it. Then take the only main road leading to it and fill it with roadworks so that the only way to turn into the driveway is to follow the motorway 20 miles to the next junction and then drive all the way back again.... Well that was the office I was sent to.

Clearly they'd had some trouble retaining staff. There were all the warning signs. Actually I made the decision not to return as I hit the traffic calming roadhump on the drive and dislodged my exhaust. Some of the warning signs were:

A really nice desk and chair.
Hardly anyone in the office. An office fit for 500 with a staff of 5....?
The break room had cupboards full....I mean....FULL....of chocolate and other snacks....Free!
Free coffee, good filter coffee, not the horrible powdered cat poo I'd tried elsewhere.
Really good clean machines and monitors.
Free healthclub membership.

Ahh well..... I guess that might be enough to keep some people. Perhaps someone that could work for less than the fifty pounds per day transport cost.

At lunch I decided to visit the staff toilets......a gents suitable for many more staff than the two men on of them me. Large, mostly empty buildings give me the creeps.
As I stood washing my hands I was feeling a bit pissed off, having wasted the day with this futile job. I must have been more distracted than I thought because I was suddenly dragged backwards by my shoulders into the extra wide cubicle and pinned against the wall by a female member of the cleaning staff.

"You're good looking!" she said.

She started to loosen her blouse, and I considered for an instant, that this might be a good job if it actually paid more than I was spending. However the mortgage needed to be paid and I wasn't in the mood to be nice to anyone. I blurted out something about being married, (Although I wasn't at the time), and left before lunch break was over.
Posted:Jul 23, 2009 4:37 am
Last Updated:Jul 23, 2009 4:41 am

We went to London yesterday. A nice day, hot weather and no rain. We walked around and saw as many of the sights as we could manage. Lots of cyclists. Most of them cycling carefully.
Strap-ons without straps and Electric shock devices
Posted:Jul 4, 2009 4:49 am
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2010 12:50 pm

There is a sex shop in Wolverhampton. Actually there might be more than one, but I've only found the big one to date.
Jess and I went there yesterday, taking advantage of the being in school.
We were served by the friendly and knowlegeable member of staff there, and ended up buying some choice items.

We were shown several things which were interesting.
The first was a rubber vibrator for couples. Ninety quid- ouch! buys this device. It looks like a funky plastic paperclip. One side goes on her clit, the other side stimulates the G-spot. The vibrator is smooth on the other side of the G-spot end. This allows the man or men to penetrate while the device is in place and enjoy the vibrations together.
It has a lithium battery,(Built-in), and a custom charger. Personally I felt it was a bit flimsy and didn't quite justify that price. The rubber coating also looked unfriendly to the average glans and have me visions of horrible blisters.

Next we had a look at a rather painful device. An electric shock device. For a penny under a hundred quid, the kit has a box that delivers a shock, and two paddles to deliver the shock with. The device also has other expensive optional dildo plugs, such as a butt plug, probes and a regular dildo. Jess and I held a charged paddle each and then kissed, receiving a zap that we found interesting but not sexually stimulating. However the power was such, that I could use my hands, knees or other parts as tens pads, if we wanted. Personally I'd sooner buy the custom tens machine for twenty quid at the chemist.

Next we had a look at some clit pumps. A lot of them were a triumph of style over substance, with tubes that will clearly break quickly. We bought a good sturdy one with automotive grade tubing. Sucks like a Dyson. We had a late night with that particular toy.

The next toy we looked at was a strap-on without straps. You might have seen some of these devices in adverts. There is a plug/dildo for her and this is attached to the rubber dildo.
The idea is that her muscular action holds the device in place while in use. It works quite well, but getting the lubricant balance is crutial.
It gets around the failing of many of the traditional strap-ons, in that the straps are not long enough or strong enough for the stresses for fucking someone.
Our device was quite costly but pays for itself in pleasure very quickly. Needless to say, this was also a cause for a very late night last night.
Snotty nose multi-lingual teams. Things than annoy my missus.
Posted:Jun 28, 2009 4:18 am
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2010 12:52 pm

OK, time for a rant.
A while ago, my love found herself a job with a local company as an on-line bookie. The wages are OK and there isn't much of a commute since the office is ten minutes walk from home.
However, the nature of the on-line betting company is such that they have a presence in most countries, Spain, Bulgaria, Germany etc. Because of this they employ a lot of foreign workers. People who's first language is not English. Jess is with a bunch of stuck-up folk. They believe their own version of Spanish is superior to Jess's Puertorican/American spanish. They all look down their nose at well...everyone else. Not exactly team players.
They have their own betting pools, betting how long it will be before big losing customers "Self-exclude" themselves from betting due to their mounting debts. In my opinion, this is bad form. Sure they're gamblers, it's an addiction and they might seem stupid.....but they pay the bills. It seems rude to laugh at them.
Jess comes home every day with a skin-full of tension and anger, due to 10 hours of working with the unwashed and over-scented.
The company has attracted hundreds of euro-chavs. Folk who dress like their 's malibu barbie and think it's stylish at 40.
The office has too few seats and an a/c system that leaves them all sweating in winter and summer.

There is nothing I can do about it though. I'm not working there and I'm glad. I just hope Jess can distract herself for now and resist the urge to go running screaming from all the stress. I need to be back at work quickly. When I go back, Jess can quit perhaps.
The Naked office and the Business Management Guru
Posted:Jun 24, 2009 9:54 am
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2022 7:45 am

Hmmmm we've been watching Virgin TV and have been seeing lots of adverts for a TV show about a company that brings in a consultant to help improve business. I have choice words to describe business consultants. Wastes of money!
The show runs from the idea that all business management problems stem from personal issues with staff. To combat this, the adverts show the consultant suggesting staff work naked.
I'm going to watch it because I'm ashamed to say it caught my attention. I want to watch the consultant crash and burn but feel sorry for staff in the company concerned.
In the business
Posted:Jun 7, 2009 2:59 am
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2022 7:45 am

I'm standing at a crossroads in life, and I don't know where to go.

The first few words taken from the song Feed Jake.
I'm doing what I love best, and quoting out of context, but those words fairly well describe my position at the moment.
I'm working my way through the production of documentation for my new business. The framework that will enable my colleagues and I to drive success. All I can do is question myself.
Still it seems to be coming together in timely fashion.

This week my mother-in-law returns to the USA. This is bad in some ways because I enjoy her company on so many levels. However it does free up an office room. The guest bedroom is the best room of the house. It has a wonderful view over the countryside to a hill in the distance. When I'm creating graphics for my work, the view inspires me.
The front bedroom also has a view, but it's of a building site, some grass and a grubby transit van.
Feeling horny?
Posted:May 31, 2009 1:28 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2009 1:34 pm

Well I would be if I were'nt feeling just a little sick as a dog.
Quiche, bacon and egg to be precise. Followed by a home-made doughnut. All lovely but I think I ate a bit too much.
Jess has asked me to collect her from work in the car, instead of on foot.....this is good. I'm not good for long walks at the moment.
A rambling rant.....
Posted:May 26, 2009 2:13 am
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2022 7:45 am

Well it's been a strange day so far.

Breakfast was from a shmuckdonalds drive through. I was after a rolo muckflurry but they didn't have any. Shame all the signs were advertising it. Why do they do that?

I have bleeding in my sinuses, because all I can smell is blood. It's a bit concerning. I thought it was an absys in one of my molars but it doesn't hurt. It's like going down on a girl on the blob all the time, but without the drippy chin sensation.

I received a number of unusual comments and messages from foreign users. Erm no, I don't want to visit Cairo, or in fact any place outside of good old England. Delete delete delete.....
Not even proper spam.

I think I might just give up on everything but auction sites and the face book.

Ohh and be on the lookout for more of those fake profile comments, the ones intended to start you on a conversation with a scam artist. If a comment is out of context and on this blog, I'm deleting it.

Ahh well, what ever you do, I hope you have a nice horny day.

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