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Living with Kitchenfun
The life and times of a guy that can't sit still.
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The wife may be alone in a hotel room, may be not though.
Posted:Jul 23, 2011 5:58 pm
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2022 2:14 am

I'm sitting here watching the very poor Jaws 3 while the sleep and Jess spends a night away for a special break from being a mum and wife. I've told her that I don't mind if she goes and finds someone to fuck. I wonder if she'll just sleep or come back freshly fucked and full of cum. The day away is my present to her for her birthday.
Adverts........hate them.....!!!!
Posted:Jul 18, 2011 11:57 am
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2022 2:14 am

I watch an average amount of TV and so I'm subjected to too many adverts for other dating sites. When will we see adverts for this site? I just want an antidote to the perpetual E harmony adverts for people with values....Bullshit. As if users of this site don't have values, merit or standards.
Best American sweets
Posted:May 27, 2011 1:38 pm
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2011 5:17 pm

There is a wonderful sweet shop in Birmingham UK, too damn close to my place of work. They stock American, Australian, South African and Japanese sweets. Also stocked are English and European sweets.
I have been re-living my time in the USA through sweets. My top American sweets are:

(1) Zero bar
(2) Clark
(3) Hot Tamales
(4) Butterfinger
(5) Big Red chewing gum
(6) Mike & Ikes
(7) Lemon head and friends chewy sweets
( Charleston chew
(9) Tootsie Roll
(10) Jelly Belly lolly

In other news, my local Asda (Part of the Walmart group), has started stocking margerine with honey in it. I loved the Country Crock version in the USA.
1 comment
The summer is coming.....
Posted:Apr 5, 2011 2:45 pm
Last Updated:Apr 8, 2011 5:16 pm

Further to my last post. The transaction for the old motorhome/campervan went through OK. Jess and I now have a way to take the camping without the need to sleep on the hard ground.
Bidding in haste.....
Posted:Apr 3, 2011 6:07 am
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2022 2:14 am

Today is mother's day here in the UK. So to all of you who are mothers....Happy Mother's Day.

In other news, Jess and I bid on an ancient Bedford Motorhome today on that famous auction site. The thing is a D reg, registered 1987 and needs a lot of TLC. I'm looking forward to the challenges. Hopefully this repair job will not end in a fireball like my old Fiat.

Well we won the auction. I just hope they didn't go sell it outside of the auction, because I'll be leaving appropriate feedback if that is the case.
Things that grind my gears.....
Posted:Mar 11, 2011 2:29 pm
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2022 2:14 am

Things that have irritated me this week:

A drunk guy that decided it was a good idea to stand outside our house and shout racist abuse. He called us all the usual stuff we've come to expect from supporters of the racist political parties. After 40 minutes of abuse, Jess and the were hysterical with the stress. I wandered outside and told him to leave. No bad language...not much anyway. He was railing against us and every other person in the street, most not foreign in any way. Calling us all every name under the sun. I believe racism in any form is offensive. He was spoiling for a fight. clearly wanted to prove something to someone. Sadly for him it wasn't going to be with me. He refused to leave, bared his crusty rectum at me and then punched me. Punched by a racist. Hmmm. Makes my blood boil.

Two local guys are currently in court for the crime of throwing a kitten to a pair of pit bull dogs who tore it apart. I had to throw the newspaper away because knowing their names is a bad thing. I wanted to show them how little their behaviour made them worth.

The Disney TV ad campaign. Look it up if you haven't seen it. Hard sell a very expensive holiday to parents. Hey we're going to Disney. Yay....hmmm. I spend all day talking to people who've decided to do that and then could not afford the rent, mortgage, credit card repayments, taxes or food. Hmmm feel the magic , no food. I would sooner save for a holiday that would give the some useful experience. Canoeing, cycling, Absailing, swimming etc. Don't get that fucking around with some underpaid frat boy in a Mickey Mouse outfit.
Fun in a tent in the rain
Posted:Feb 28, 2011 2:12 pm
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2022 2:14 am

Well, regular readers of my blog will be aware that Jess and I have been looking for a motor home. Well we've still to find one that suits us, especially on the subject of insurance. So we purchased a tent and took it for a tester weekend near the coast. It's amazing what fits in a small hatch back. A five man Welsh rain proof tent, porta-potty and five sleeping bags in a space barely big enough for a few bags of shopping. Cool.
Of course it rained non-stop and took all week to dry the tent.....but the tent was great and we had a great weekend.
We found a suitable all-year camp site for our february holiday. The site has the cleanest set of toilets and showers we have ever seen. Every tent pitch has a power point and a hard standing parking space. Sterile perhaps, but fun as camping in the garden of a posh hotel.
Fun in an RV or Motorhome.
Posted:Feb 5, 2011 6:27 am
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2011 2:03 pm

Jess and I have been considering getting a nice little motorhome in order to take family holidays around the UK without the bother of hotels or the limitations of a simple day trip. To date, the furthest we've ventured has been in our old car from Stoke on Trent to the Isle of Wight. That was a wonderful day trip but it did mean 24 hours without sleep for me. Frankly that's dangerous. Better to have the ability to stop, rest and travel without spending lots of money.

Option 1 is to buy an old motorhome, but they're quite expensive. A twenty five year old example averages around four thousand pounds.

Option.2 is to rent a motorhome, but if we wanted to do that we might as well just rent a holiday villa.

Option.3 is to buy a large delivery van and convert it ourselves. We realised that in the interests of safety, cost and fuel economy, that we could limit things to bunk beds, bags and tethered hanging baskets. All we need is a five or six seater crew area. A toilet would simply be a chemical toilet behind a curtain. The kitchen could be a folding table that we use under an awning.

Option.4 is to say hang it all and just buy a five berth tent. We might just do that anyway while we're looking for the right van.

I can't wait for the end of march. Our favourite camp site opens and we can afford to visit almost every weekend. It's going to be great. Shell Island, North Wales. The wind is strong enough for good kite flying. The sea is lovely and clean. Sand dunes and great facilities. A superb place to visit. When we camp there I'll be able to enjoy watching the dawn break over the island and a walk on the beach before the throngs of visitors.
The worst toilet roll dispenser in the world
Posted:Jan 24, 2011 1:59 pm
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2011 2:06 pm
The toilets or restrooms at work are not a fun place to be. The ladies are regularly plastered with stool because the women can not get any toilet roll and are forced to use any suitable surface. The reason is the way toilet paper is measured out in a miserly way. The picture shows the dispensers we have. Bum misers I call them. Am I the only person to notice the bottom shape of the dispenser? The thing measures the sheets so that you are hard pressed to take more than one sheet at a time. The worst of it is that if the sheet you are pulling breaks, then you can find it impossible access any more paper.
1 comment
Taking things out of the mouth can feel good.....
Posted:Jan 21, 2011 3:33 am
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2022 2:14 am

I had a visit to the wonderful New Cross Hospital in Wolverhampton today. Thankfully it was to the dental department, (Maxilofacial dept), where I had two pesky wisdom tooth roots removed. The wonderful dentist team also removed a load of infection that was in my gums and sinuses. I feel GOOD. Really good.
I was at the dental hospital because I tend to have a reaction to the local injection in the gums. None of that today. Very quick work, hardly felt the injection.
The infection and pain have bugged me for two years. With the infection removed and fought, and my new cycle to work plan, I'm hoping to feel better and better as the year progresses.
Owwwww, the pain.
Posted:Jan 17, 2011 11:22 am
Last Updated:Jan 24, 2011 1:43 pm

Now I enjoy a good spanking as much as the next man, but I'm in pain today. Yesterday I made the mistake of going for a cycle ride in some underclothes that rubbed me raw. I had a blister after ten miles and today I very tender sore rear. Not the best sort of bottom pain. I miss my comfortable recumbent.
Cycling to work again.....
Posted:Jan 11, 2011 11:34 am
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2011 11:24 am

I've started cycling to work again, after a break from regular cycling that must have gone on for over a year. My poor bicycle has sat, perfectly maintained on our spare bed for too long. Anyway I finally had to start cycling again. Not so much of a shock to the system as I had imagined. For this week I'm taking it a few miles to the Railway station and back at each end of my commute. Must be a total of an hour cycling a day but it's a start. I need to get back into shape for a sixteen mile ride to work without the train. When I've regained my buns of steel with the ride to work I've promised myself another recumbent bicycle.
The long way home.....STORY
Posted:Dec 26, 2010 5:46 pm
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2022 2:14 am

The Long Way Home

Dear reader, have you ever been a slave to a job that requires an early start? Many of us have I know, braving the cold dark depths of the morning in winter, when the day before seems too damn recent and the bed too unnatural to leave. I currently work some sixteen miles from home. Not a great distance I know, I could cycle it in good weather. However, to guarantee a parking space and be sure I'm at work on time, I try to be there an hour early. This means that I'm up too early and often spend some time sat in the parking lot waiting for the doors to open. I do not enjoy this, but at least there I can let rip with the farts that are too nasty to release near other people.

Monday morning. The beef stew that my wife had lovingly prepared the night before had been wonderful and I had gone to bed a happy man, but the gas had been building up ever since. I winched the drivers' seat back and felt things shift into a familiar bloated pattern. The result was percussive and seemed to make the parcel shelf shake behind me. The crisp frozen winter air outside the car was clean and sweet, but I hesitated to lower the window and let it in as condensation started to freeze on the inside of the windscreen.

Tap Tap Tap

Ï turn startled and a little angrily towards the source of the tapping. Someone is tapping a silver wedding band on my passenger window. Grrrr, that irks me to no end. That sort of thing can crack the glass. However my anger fades a little as I realise who's tapping the glass, it's my team leader and she looks upset. I hit the door lock and get out of the car. Better that than encourage her to get into the stink on wheels.

“We're in trouble Matt.”, she whispered.

“Trouble? I thought we were doing rather well in the current market.”

I wondered around the car and made for the office door, hitting the central locking key as I walked. This was going to be a long day.....

But then it wasn't. As I got closer to the doors I noticed paperwork taped to the windows. Seems that over the weekend, without warning, the bottom had dropped out of our lives and the business had ceased trading. Two hundred people out of work.

The rush hour traffic kicked in just as I started to make for home. Just what I need, a forty minute drive became two hours long as mile after mile, commuters slither up the motorway at a snail pace.
When I finally reached home, all I wanted was a bath and my bed. The were at school and the wife seemed to have gone out for something. Finding other work could wait. I needed to rest and think. The warm bath was deep and made the skin tingle. Feeling the burn on my feet and shins as I stepped in, I sighed and slowly lowered myself, enjoying the unclenching feeling as the steam reached my scrotum. Once immersed, I felt my body relax and finally release the gas I'd not been able to release earlier.

The warm lulled me into a fitful sleep there in the bath. I dreamed I was in a giant pussy, slipping around and desperately trying to lap at a giant clit, swollen and partially hidden under a hood of tanned soft skin. I awoke with a start, mouth full of soap, holding an old bath sponge. Fighting the urge to retch, I got out of the bath and wandered naked into the kitchen to wash my mouth out with clean water. It was then that I heard my wife moan. It was a moan from the bedroom. The bed was making the familiar noises of sex.

Hmmm, well the day was looking up. My wife and I had long established between us that we could both fuck other people. For me, work had got in the way and I realised that for the last few years, the care free young man I was had been slowly replaced by a grey shadow in a suit. We still made love every night with a love and passion we'd felt from the start, but by day I'd feel my soul slipping away. Well clearly the only slipping going on upstairs was skin on skin and involved my wife's pussy. Her moans were unapologetic and fast. I could tell she was about to cum as the tone of her voice changed and the bed made that creak it always did when she arched her back and climaxed.

“Thank you you big dirty bastard!”;she said.

Ï stood quietly at the foot of the stairs, listening to their heavy breathing. My own heart pounded in my chest, my cock hardening. A single drop of moisture dripped from some part of me and hit the wooden floor, the gentle pat sound, seemed loud in the room.

“Can you be a darling and go get me some water?”

I heard my wife and almost answered yes but caught myself as I realised she was talking to the man she had upstairs. Then I heard her mutter and a sharp slap.

“Useless bastard! That's the last time you get any with me!”

Another slap rang out and my wife started to make her way downstairs.

I grabbed a glass and filled it as she made her way into the kitchen. She started as she saw me there, then she blushed a little and smiled.

“Whoops, caught me in the act eh?“

I handed her the water and smiled, walking up close until my cock touched the soft skin of her belly, running a moist hand over her sweaty buttocks and placing a kiss on her lips. She tasted of cock and smelt of sex and cheap aftershave. She drained the glass and then wrapped her arms around me, grabbing my buttocks and grinding her hips against me.

“Fuck me, fuck me now!”; she whispered in my ear.

I bent her over the kitchen chair, spread her gently and then slipped my cock into her slippery pussy. It felt so good. Extra slippery and tight at the same time. As I slid into her, I grabbed her hips and started to pound for a while. The slippery sounds were loud in the kitchen, blending with the ticking of the AGA and the gentle drip of the cold tap. I felt juices start to dribble down over my balls and across my loins.

“Can you feel how full he left me?”

She gasped and rolled her ass back to meet my thrusts. I slipped my thumbs around to her anus and fingered her gently. She twitched and moaned again.

“There too. Filled me twice”.

She relaxed a little and I looked down to see cum around her anus, my cock and running down my right leg. I reached forward, cock buried deep and massaged her breasts gently,

“Good dirty girl, you let him fuck you good!“

I spanked her buttocks and pulled out, she wandered in the direction of the bathroom.

“Later lover......“

“Yes my sweet, have you erm......?“

“Yes I have lover”

I slipped upstairs and quietly into the bedroom. He was there, sleeping peacefully, legs and arms spread and tied to the four posts of the bed with soft straps. His backside red from a spanking and raised a little thanks to my wife's careful use of my pillow. Hmmm, must wash that.
Without hesitation, I grabbed a condom from our special swinging bowl, then slipped it on as I crossed the room. Next I clambered onto the bed and thrust my cock deep into his ass. At the same time, I placed both hands on his shoulders and dug my fingers gently into his toned muscles. He started to wake and struggle, then seemed to remember where he was and just lay there, He may have even said something too, but all I heard was him groan as he eventually unloaded his third wad of the day into my pillow. Reaching under him, I grabbed his throbbing cock and fingered the end, coming back with a handful of cum. I smeared it on his buttocks, then tore off the condom and strode out of the room.

“Don't look at me, face that sheet!”; There was no need for that, but it seemed like the thing to say.

I let him stay like that for a while as I made him a coffee, then I strode back upstairs again and released his bonds with a smile.

“You're taking her to lunch I suppose?”

He nodded.


I wandered back downstairs to dump my first load over my wife's freshly washed tits.

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