30 MINUTE ORGASM
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Posted:Jun 12, 2008 4:05 am
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2008 12:26 pm
4448 Views
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This was sent to me by my friend Hawk. I hope it gives you a giggle too.
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If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life..quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet (Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm.....)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. ( I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)
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TOMORROW
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Posted:Jun 11, 2008 3:59 am
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2008 12:28 pm
4354 Views
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This is another posting from one of my journals. I'm not sure where it came from, but felt it was very special and wanted to share it with you.
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If tomorrow starts without me and I'm not there to see, If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me; I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today, while thinking of the many things, we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you! And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand that an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand; she said my place was ready, in heaven far above and that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly l ove.
But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye for all my life, I'd always thought I didn't want to die; I had so much to live for, so much left yet to do, it seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad; I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while; I'd say good-bye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized that this could never be, for emptiness and memories would take the place of me; when I thought of worldly things I might miss come tomorrow, I thought of you and when I did my heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through Heaven's Gates, I felt so much at home. When God looked down and smiled at me, from his great golden throne, He said, "This is Eternity and all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past but here life starts anew. I promise no tomorrow but today will always last; and since each day's the same way there's no longing for the past.
You have been so faithful, so trusting and so true; though there were times you did some things, you knew you shouldn't do. But you have been forgiven and now at last you're free; so won't you come and take my hand and share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart, for every time you think of me, I'm right here in your heart...
***************
Share this with all those you care about... because you never know what's going to happen tomorrow. Show them how you care, before it's too late
Many of you have touched my life in a very special way and I count it a privilege to count you among my friends
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YESTERDAY'S TEARS
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Posted:Jun 11, 2008 3:48 am
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2008 2:16 am
4118 Views
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Yesterday's tears build a river, Washing the soul of its pain... Cleansing the heart and mind, Like a gentle sweet spring rain.
When you feel you have cried your river And the throat aches from tears shed And the mind is exhausted from feeling Or the heart feels it is now dead...
Raise your eyes to the skies and recall How beautiful a full moon can be. See the stars shining gently on us all, And remember how good friends can be.
Call that friend you know is there, Waiting to help you escape your pain, The one who does not judge, but listens, So you may one day love again!
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WRAP ME .............
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Posted:Jun 11, 2008 3:46 am
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2008 2:19 am
4112 Views
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Wrap me in a rainbow warmed by your desire. Sing to me a love song of all your heart desires.
I'll gently tint the colors with vivid pastel hues. Show me how to love you So I'll know just what to do.
Gently wrap me in your arms surround me with total love. Let me paint you with my passion and we'll revel in our love.
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ANSWERS FOR THE RIDDLER
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Posted:Jun 11, 2008 3:41 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 3:9 am
3609 Views
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Here are the answers to "THE RIDDLER", posted on the 7th. I hope you had fun with them.
Bonnie
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A potato's key tool, I have all the power. I am generally used on the half or full hour. If my cells were deceased or lost or the such, My partner would only respond to your touch.
What am I?
REMOTE CONTROL
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My head and tail both equal are, My middle slender as a bee. Whether I stand on head or heel Is quite the same to you or me. But if my head should be cut off, The matter's true, though passing strange Directly I to nothing change.
What Am I?
THE FIGURE 8
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I can't be seen, I can't be held, I can't be dropped to the ground, But I can be thrown across the room, And I move at the speed of sound!!
What am I?
VOICE
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Always old, sometimes new, never sad, sometimes blue. Never empty, sometimes full, never pushes, always pulls.
What am I?
THE MOON
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Limerick has taught my much. My history has been nobel and swift. The Mother guides most of my clan, and most of them never drift. Two Marys only lasted five years as my queen. and good Shannon's guidance is easily seen.
What am I?
IRELAND
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My first is a creature whose breeding is unclear. My second, a price you must pay. My whole can be found in the river of Time and refers to events of today.
What am I?
CURRENT
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What king can you make if you take the head of a lamb the middle of a pig the hind of a buffalo and the tail of a dragon?
What am I?
A LION
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It can be said: To be gold is to be good, To be stone is to be nothing, To be glass is to be fragile, To be cold is to be cruel.
What am I?
THE HEART
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Pronounced as one letter, And written with three, Two letters there are, And two only in me. I'm double, I'm single, I'm black, blue, and gray, I'm read from both ends, And the same
What am I?
EYES
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I alone am an intricate game I and a labyrinth are one and the same Add a letter and then I become Astonished, amused, and perplexed to some
A MAZE
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A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE?
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Posted:Jun 10, 2008 5:00 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2008 4:04 am
4147 Views
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BODY FACTS
The human body is a machine that is full of wonder. This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were.
1.. Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.
2.. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg.
3.. The smallest is the male sperm.
4.. You use 200 muscles to take one step.
5.. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
6.. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
7.. A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.
8.. A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
9.. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
10.. The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
11.. It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
12.. The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
13.. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
14.. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
15.. There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
16.. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
17.. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
18.. Your teeth start developing (in your gums) 6 months before you are born.
19.. When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
20.. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people.
21.. Your thumb is the same length as your nose.
22.. At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test ... now remove your thumb from your nose. i
You did it -- I KNOW you did !!!!!
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INGENIOUS.......
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Posted:Jun 10, 2008 4:52 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2008 4:07 am
3861 Views
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If You have something to say raise your hand and place it over your mouth
Don’t make me use UPPERCASE
Before you came along we were hungry… now we’re fed up.
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement right away.
I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time.
You really are as pretty as a picture. I’d like to hang you.
I hear you changed your mind at last. What did you do with the diaper.
Life is too short to dance with ugly people.
I’m going south for the winter…actually…some parts of me are headed there already.
If a man’s home is his castle… He can learn to clean it.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in school.
If there is a tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
**************************
One day after a nasty streak of bad weather, I asked my teenage to
take
our for a long walk after school.
When I came home from work, I found my stretched out on the
recliner,
watching television.
He had leash in hand while the trotted happily away on the
treadmill.
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SNOW WHITE...
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Posted:Jun 10, 2008 4:39 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2008 4:08 am
3760 Views
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Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs
(A Political Fable)
The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning. As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores.
As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine.
One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived.
'Hello!...Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello!'
For a long while, there was no answer.
Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello! Is anyone down there?'
Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine, singing . . ... 'Vote for Barack Obama! - Vote for Barack Obama!'
Snow White fell to her knees, crossed herself and prayed, 'Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive.
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A teacher in Elmira, New York asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again.
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."
The teacher asked, "Why aren't you an Obama fan?"
Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican."
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."
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WARM & FUZZY FEELINGS
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Posted:Jun 10, 2008 4:34 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2008 4:10 am
3695 Views
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The 10 Most Important Things Are...
LOVE
The Special Feeling That Makes You Feel All Warm And Wonderful.
RESPECT
Treating Others As Well As You Would Like To Be Treated.
APPRECIATION
To Be Grateful For All The Good Things Life Has To Offer.
HAPPINESS
The Full Enjoyment Of Each Moment. A Smiling Face.
FORGIVENESS
The Ability To Let Things Be Without Anger.
SHARING
The Joy Of Giving Without Thought Of Receiving.
HONESTY
The Quality Of Always Telling The Truth.
INTEGRITY
The Purity Of Doing What's Right, No Matter What.
COMPASSION
The Essence Of Feeling Another's Pain, While Easing Their Hurt.
PEACE
The Reward For Living The 10 Most Important Things.
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DRAW MY BATH ...........
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Posted:Jun 9, 2008 2:45 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2008 4:14 am
3854 Views
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For all those guys who are King, until their wife gets home..... Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.' 'Oh yeah?' said Charlie. 'And how did this one end?' 'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'she came to me on her hands and knees.' 'Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?' She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken-shit
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MAN OF THE HOUSE
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'.
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?
'The wife replied, 'The funeral director would be my first guess.'....
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FIFTY DOLLARS!
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Posted:Jun 9, 2008 2:42 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2008 4:15 am
4046 Views
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Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter."
Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that Helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars"
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."
To this, Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'lltake the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!"
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AN ANGEL'S TOUCH
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Posted:Jun 9, 2008 2:39 am
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2008 4:00 am
3863 Views
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In life we meet many people Some will become our friends, But you have touched my heart My problems you help me mend.
You're always there to listen And help everyone that you can, With a friend like you on earth Life is much easier to understand.
I just wanted to let you know To this world you mean so much, All the kindness and love you share Is always given with an angel's touch.
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2
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THE RIDDLER.......
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Posted:Jun 7, 2008 7:56 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2008 4:43 am
3774 Views
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Get ready to do some thinking... I thought you might enjoy playing with some of the following. I will post the answers tomorrow.
Have fun!
*****************************************
A potato's key tool, I have all the power. I am generally used on the half or full hour. If my cells were deceased or lost or the such, My partner would only respond to your touch. What am I? **********************
My head and tail both equal are, My middle slender as a bee. Whether I stand on head or heel Is quite the same to you or me. But if my head should be cut off, The matter's true, though passing strange Directly I to nothing change. What Am I? ***********************
I can't be seen, I can't be held, I can't be dropped to the ground, But I can be thrown across the room, And I move at the speed of sound!!
What am I? *****************
Always old, sometimes new, never sad, sometimes blue. Never empty, sometimes full, never pushes, always pulls. What am I? **********************
Limerick has taught my much. My history has been nobel and swift. The Mother guides most of my clan, and most of them never drift. Two Marys only lasted five years as my queen. and good Shannon's guidance is easily seen. What am I? *********************
My first is a creature whose breeding is unclear. My second, a price you must pay. My whole can be found in the river of Time and refers to events of today.
What am I? ***********************
What king can you make if you take the head of a lamb the middle of a pig the hind of a buffalo and the tail of a dragon?
What am I? **********************
It can be said: To be gold is to be good, To be stone is to be nothing, To be glass is to be fragile, To be cold is to be cruel.
What am I?
*************************
Pronounced as one letter, And written with three, Two letters there are, And two only in me. I'm double, I'm single, I'm black, blue, and gray, I'm read from both ends, And the same
What am I?
***************************
I alone am an intricate game I and a labyrinth are one and the same Add a letter and then I become Astonished, amused, and perplexed to some What am I?
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To link to this blog (almostalwaysaldy) use [blog almostalwaysaldy] in your messages.
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