No, really
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Posted:May 15, 2014 4:45 am
Last Updated:May 20, 2014 3:43 am
8647 Views
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I wish whomever sneaks into my room at night and replaces random body parts on me with those of some middle aged man would stop
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New boots
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Posted:May 8, 2014 3:25 am
Last Updated:May 19, 2014 5:20 pm
8397 Views
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Bert, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret, age 75, looked him over. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert! Shoulda bought a hat."
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Try these this weekend
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Posted:May 2, 2014 4:36 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 6:54 am
8187 Views
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Top 17 Country Songs
17. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
16. It's Hard To Kiss the Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass Out All Day
15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
14. If The Phone Don't Ring,You'll Know It's Me
13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
12. I Liked You Better Before I Got To Know You So Well
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Getting Better
10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
8. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here
7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison Now
6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him
5. She Got The Ring and I Got the Finger
4. You're The Reason Our Are So Ugly
3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Were Pure
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer
And the Number One Country Song ---
1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman, But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few
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Sarah and Jack
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Posted:Apr 22, 2014 9:10 pm
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2014 5:47 pm
8968 Views
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Sarah And Jack ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.
So, he sits in his office and watches them work.
Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with.
Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."
Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a terrible headache."
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Summer biking
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Posted:Apr 19, 2014 5:26 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 6:54 am
8296 Views
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This weather is getting beyond silly and is pissing me off. I am so ready to get on my bicycle, get rid of some winter weight and enjoy the sun on my skin again. Does anyone else use the Green Circle Trail around Point. I think it is one of the best features of the area.
Soon baby, soon.
Prof
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Oops
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Posted:Apr 7, 2014 5:38 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2014 6:27 pm
8368 Views
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Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
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Remember guys, we can be replaced
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Posted:Apr 4, 2014 5:19 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 6:54 am
7565 Views
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Some of you may or may not remember the original 1980's song by Gloria Gaynor!
Sing this along to the Gloria Gaynor tune "I Will Survive"......
At first I was afraid, I was petrified, When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died! But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, That I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on....
But there you are, another lie, I was ready for a big mac and you've bought me a French fry! I should have known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic dream, Should have known there was no anaconda lurking in those jeans!
Go on now go, walk out the door, Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4! Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!? Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count???!
(Chorus) I will survive! I will survive! 'Cos as long as I have batteries, My sex life is gonna thrive! I will always have good sex with a handful of latex! I will survive! I will survive!. . Hey! Hey! [Verse II]
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud, When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud! But to hell with all your egos and to hell with all your needs Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed! (Chorus)
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Hope for the future
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Posted:Mar 30, 2014 6:18 am
Last Updated:May 9, 2014 6:28 pm
8315 Views
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I've been using the Live Action menu to bring up Live Member Cams recently. It does make it easy to find fun broadcasts.
I recently stumbled across a cam from a couple both in their mid'60s. Curious about what someone that age would be up to I checked it out. I loved it. Two grandparent types, attractive within the parameters of someone their age, partially dressed, fondling each other while obviously surfing other cam broadcasts.
It was sexy and charming. I often feel, at 54, that the sexy part of life is passing me by. This renews my hope that I'm not done yet. As long as I keep my health I can keep and hopefully increase the sexy part.
Any thoughts on elderly sex? No one likes to grow old, but it beats all the alternatives.
Have a great day. Get laid for me, I have to work all day.
Prof
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Spanish Oysters
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Posted:Mar 29, 2014 5:19 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 6:54 am
7338 Views
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Spanish Oysters ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An Australian stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Madrid.
While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.
Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'
The waiter replied, 'Si Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'
The Australian said, 'I will have the same please.'
The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'
The following day he returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
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Where Babies Come From
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Posted:Mar 24, 2014 4:24 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 6:54 am
6875 Views
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Where Babies Come From A mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her young walks in. "Mommy, where do babies come from?" After thinking about it for a moment, the mother explains, "Well, dear, a girl and a boy fall in love and get married. Then, one night they go into their room, hug and kiss, and have sex." The looks puzzled. The Mother continues, "That means that daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, dear." The replies, "But, the other night when I came into your bedroom, you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that, Mommy?" "Jewelry, dear."
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Gray hair
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Posted:Mar 23, 2014 4:20 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 6:54 am
6538 Views
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I've often heard that a touch of gray hair can make a man more distinguished or handsome. Does that apply to other locations than his head. Uhm..........just wondering.
Prof
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Sex is like math
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Posted:Mar 21, 2014 6:03 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 6:54 am
6351 Views
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Sex is like math:
You add the bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, And pray you don't multiply.
Stolen from the Urban Dictionary.
Have a great day.
Prof
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Smart fun
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Posted:Mar 16, 2014 5:21 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 6:54 am
6467 Views
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If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite (comic) scientist who once said: ````````````````````````````````````````` "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." ` He sees things differently than most of us. Here are some of his other gems: ` 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. ` 3 - Half the people you know are below average. ` 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. ` 6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. ` 7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ` 8 - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain. ` 9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand. ` 10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ` 11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met. ` 12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark? ` 13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? ` 14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. ` 15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. ` 16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. ` 17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. ` 18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now. ` 19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good. ` 21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. ` 22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice? ` 23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." ` 24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name. ` 25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. ` 26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ` 27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. ` 28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. ` 29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. ` 30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. ` 31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. ` 32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. ` 33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film. ` 34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. ` 35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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To link to this blog (Prof10001) use [blog Prof10001] in your messages.
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