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Could one be paid?
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Posted:Jan 7, 2015 5:02 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2015 11:06 am
6978 Views
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I'm on my own for a couple of weeks and work is also slow right now. As a result I've spent way too much time on AsianMatchMate.com just wandering around the blogs and discussion posts. This has got me wondering if there is a buck to be made editing grammar, spelling and word usage. I don't think of myself as a grammar Nazi but some folks need help.
Stay warm.
Prof
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Gotta read
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Posted:Jan 6, 2015 6:30 am
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2015 7:18 pm
6782 Views
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A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10.'
Reaching for his bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.'
Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'
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Nothing like a good student
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Posted:Jan 5, 2015 5:13 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 12:42 am
6912 Views
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College Class
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class. The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and asked, "What are you doing wearing a football jersey?"
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The girl replied, "Why, I bought it and own it. Why shouldn't I wear it?"
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He said, "You're not supposed to wear it to class unless you've made the team."
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"Oh," she replied sweetly. "Who did I miss?"
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I've always wanted to drive a train.
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Posted:Jan 4, 2015 7:56 am
Last Updated:Jan 4, 2015 9:40 am
6837 Views
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On the Bus
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three engineers got on a crowded lunchtime bus. They somehow worked their way to the middle of the bus where they found three girls willing to exchange their seats for a place on the guys' laps.
After they got settled and had ridden that way for a while, the first girl suddenly asked the gentleman under her whether he might be an electrical engineer.
Surprised, he replied, "Yes, I am! How did you know?"
"Easy," she said. "I'm getting shocked by your soldering iron."
Just a few minutes later, the second girl asked her guy, "Are you a mechanical engineer?"
He said, "Why, yes, ma'am. How did you know that?"
"Simple," she said, "Your piston is scraping my cylinder."
Shortly thereafter, the third girl turned to her fellow and asked, "Are you a civil engineer?"
"I certainly am," he answered. "How could you have known that?"
"Well," she said, "I figured it out as soon as your dam burst and flooded my village."
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Strike one...
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Posted:Jan 3, 2015 7:16 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 12:42 am
6723 Views
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A guy is at a bar sipping his drink when he spots a gorgeous blonde sitting at one of the tables with her friends. She catches him staring at her and they eye each other for a while. Then he decides to go for it and motions to her with his finger (you know, that "come here" motion made by the index finger). So she walks over to where he's standing. He leans over and in a low voice whispers in her ear, "If I could make you 'come' with one finger, imagine what I could do with a whole hand."
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I can't sing, I could hum.
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Posted:Jan 2, 2015 5:47 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 12:42 am
6671 Views
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A girl says to her boyfriend, "I read a study that said 90 percent of all men masturbate in the shower and the other 10 percent sing."
"Really?" said the boyfriend.
"Yes," said the girlfriend, "and do you know what song they sing?"
"No," replied the boyfriend.
"I didn't think so," she said.
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Be a wise man, not a wise guy
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Posted:Jan 1, 2015 6:41 am
Last Updated:Jan 1, 2015 8:17 am
7111 Views
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A man arrived home from work one day and found his wife alone in the kitchen in a great mood, dancing and singing.
"What has you in such a happy mood today?" he asked.
"I had my check up today, she explained, "and my doctor said I have the breasts of an eighteen year old."
"Really," the husband replied, "and what did he have to say about your fifty-year-old ass?"
"Actually," she said, "your name never came up!"
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4
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Think I could get away with it?
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Posted:Dec 30, 2014 5:44 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 12:42 am
5742 Views
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An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock, brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand. I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man. seeing this, said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check.
"I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds. I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
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We hold these truths...
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Posted:Dec 29, 2014 6:02 am
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2014 5:38 am
5695 Views
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A wise person once said:
1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
2. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.
3. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg, & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is
available.
AND . . .
4. I haven't verified this on Snopes, but it sounds legitimate. A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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New foursome
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Posted:Dec 28, 2014 5:51 am
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2014 6:13 am
5886 Views
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A foursome of golfers, all in their 40's, discussed where they should meet
for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the
waitresses were young, good looking, had big chests and wore short-shorts.
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Ten years later, at age 50, the golfing buddies once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Hooters because the food and service was good, they had many televisions to
watch the games on, and the beer selection was excellent.
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Ten years later, at age 60, the foursome again discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters
because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace, and it was
good value for the money.
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Ten years later, at age 70, they discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the restaurant
was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
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Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for
lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because they
had never been there before.
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Outlander fan?
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Posted:Dec 27, 2014 7:11 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 12:42 am
5845 Views
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Weather Conditions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just got off the phone with a cousin who lives in Scotland.
She said that since early this morning the snow has been falling and is nearly waist high. The temperature is dropping far below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.
She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let the drunken bastard in.
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Easier to get a laugh or get laid?
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Posted:Dec 26, 2014 6:10 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 12:42 am
5736 Views
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A guest on Groucho Marx's "You Bet Your Life" television show was a woman who had given birth to twenty-two . "I love my husband," the woman explained sheepishly.
"I love my cigar too," Groucho said, "but I take it out once in a while."
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To link to this blog (Prof10001) use [blog Prof10001] in your messages.
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