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My Profile page without bling (in Federal Way, Wa)
Posted:Oct 10, 2014 1:54 am
Last Updated:Oct 20, 2014 4:10 am

The "attach profile to email" button only sends one section, and not the entire basic profile page.
For those who have had trouble getting my profile to load, or friends who had their accounts change over to Standard...  Here is a plain-text complete copy of my profile, (without page decoration, and Blings). Although if you have not viewed my profile in Full Web View, you might be missing a lot of personality and laughs in the bling collage and funny album memes.
Privacy settings here are "allow everyone to comment", and for me to "approve before posting". 

PROFILE OF As_Beauty_Does2, 45F, in Federal Way, WA
6 Profile Photos, 19 Other photos, 0 Videos, 6 Blogs.

I am willing to clean chat online with just about anyone. 
However, for anything else...
"Unattached SINGLE men only pls not seeking couples or group....
Seeking the one. Smart, sweet, honest, & sexy."

"If you like something you read, write and say hello.
If you're a gold or silver, why send Hotlistings and Flirts when you can write?" 

LOOKING FOR : MEN (unattached, single and divorced only please).

Seeking UNATTACHED MAN only who is seeking a woman. 
Within under 30 actual road miles. 
(If farther away, expect we will be email penpals only & not meet in-person). 
NO drugs, no pot smokers.
NO criminal history, no abuse. 
Non-smoker. Light occasional drink or Do not drink. 
Prefer Age 30-55,
5' 9" or taller, body type average, athletic, or a little extra padding. 
Prefer Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic, or Native American...but have been a few exceptions.
Speaks English. Has his own vehicle, and lives in his own place. 
Religion : Christian, Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Buddhist, or Spiritual.
No Atheists, Pagans (ancient Greco-Roman), Satanists, or self-worshippers please.
Must love animals. No "Furries", No "Other-kin". If you identify yourself as something OTHER than just an adult human being, or of wanting sex with anything besides just a normal ADULT HUMAN being, then I do not want to hear from you.

Sexual Orientation : Straight.
Relationship Status : Unattached and Divorced.  
Description : 5 ft 9 in, Caucasian, Blue eyes, Long red hair (with blonde highlights), A little extra padding, 38DD (E, if no DD).
Education : Master's degree
Lifestyle : Non-smoker, no drugs, does not drink socially. 
Want : Maybe, & okay if he already has .
Religion : Protestant.
Speaks : English.
Travels to : Mercer Island, Wa.
Purity : 57% Pure.

I appreciate your interest and efforts. If you send me a friendly clean respectful individual email that does not look like spam, then I WILL EMAIL BACK an articulate response.
If I sent a Hotlisting, that means I would like you to write so that we can chat. I have a Standard account, so I can only write to you if you send an email here to me FIRST. Sorry but this site's IM feature does not seem to work on my computer. 

New to south-sound area. Would be nice to make some new friends and maybe one special man for a mutually exclusive LTR.

Unattached SINGLE men only please who are NOT seeking couples or group sex.
I am not some hypocrite. I AM legitimately unattached, single / legally divorced. 
Why here? I thought on a site like this *maybe* some people might be more open and genuine in saying what they are truly looking for and really about instead of the whitewashed and inaccurate generic image they might post on standard sites. 

Seeking decent, mature, stable, caring, honest friends foremost.
Please show some class. NO thugs who think it's cool to look like and act like a gang member, who think "wuz up?" is a conversation.
NO drug users, or other addictions. If you are a "former" alcoholic etc, and you never went through real therapy to unlearn the relationally damaging behavior then I am not interested...I am looking for a healthy, safe, accountable, and reliable man.  
True adult, who (like me) also has usual self-sustaining items of being an adult :
Has his own vehicle, stable steady income or self-supporting, and has his own place.
No moochers nor man-boys still dependant on / living with birth family. 

I am 45 years old, tend to relate best with individuals who are close to my age (at least within the same decade) or slightly older than myself. 
Unattached available SINGLE men only.
Please be straight and possibly seeking exclusive monogamous relationship.
Not looking for games, lies or plays just straight forward life. 
There is no such thing as "innocently" flirting or playing around in cam', personal pics, email, IM, etc on an adult site if you are still married or in a relationship already -- Especially if doing so "without permission" and without full pre-disclosure. That IS abuse, it is cheating and causes only sickness and pain so save the lame insulting excuses for the heartless brain-dead. I have more class, kindness, respect, honor, direct honesty, fairness, feeling, backbone, reliability, accountability and integrity than that.
Like me or dislike me, but at least it's the real me. 

Not seeking casual sex.
So please do NOT contact me IF you are married, attached, seeking short term, or have threesomes or group sex on your "Turn-Ons" list. Thanks.
I am NOT HERE TO HOOK-UP FOR QUICK SEX. From what I have encountered, sadly most individuals on websites claim to practice safe sex but in reality do NOT, are so pushy that they are unstable and not any fun, and will claim to be STD free yet don't get tested often enough to even know if what they claim is a true reality. 
So if you are just looking for quick sex, then save me and yourself the BS cover story please and pass me buy--because it won't go farther than online playful texting, and non-sexual friendship activities in public places for quite a while first. I plan on staying celibate until I have been in a face-to-face mutually exclusive commited relationship.  

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE sex, lots of it...but strictly one-on-one and IN THE CONTEXT OF a lasting LTR with a man of the same exclusive desire. 
I AM single and do not cheat. I have been jokingly called "a sexual camel". I can go without, even though I am REALLY 'thirsty', but once I am in a LTR man needs endurance to keep up with me. If you click the "Questions & Answers" tab, and read my completed sexual questionaire, you will see that exclusive one-on-one is the opposite of hum-drum in my case. My answers are honest even when funny.
I don't stifle my wild side...I give it the one I'm with. I love exploration, I'm very playful, and the fun kind of kinky, my animal magnetism is very much's a lifelong condition, lol.  

I am refreshingly down to earth, completely lack pretense or duplicity, and have been told that I am "Regal and beautiful, but don't know it". 

Enjoy intelligent conversation, dancing, boating, waterfront, nature, museums, cultural events, live music, movies, comedy, philosophy, creative works / art, writing, gourmet healthy cooking, working on cars, car shows, creating and building things, computers, gardening,  playful sparring of wits, compassion, goofiness, daring, resourcefulness, holding hands, long hugs, cuddling, kissing...
I can cook an increadible healthy gourmet meal, and enjoy seafood including sushi (wasabi gasm!) and calamari, ethnic food, pistachio baklava, tiramisu, dark chocolate, and strong coffee...
I love nature, animals, , family, friends, passionate spirits, rain, lightening, bonfires, living deliberately, laughter, and God. 
Against abuse of any kind.
Enjoy an equal and the interchange.

BE HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT AND NEED FROM ME AND OTHERS--It is the most efficient way to get it.
Be yourself. Imitation is suicide.

I am overall a lady of integrity and honor.
A person is not given integrity. It results from the relentless pursuit of honesty at all times. Behaviors consistent across situations and time. Without integrity, all the capabilities, intent, concern, and results in the world will not matter. The foolish forget that virtues have strength and fire.

I also believe that real love is a verb: Not words or feelings but actions consistent over time, choosing the ultimate or highest good for another person. True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the best of everything they have.

Values: The ORDER of IMPORTANCE you place on people and things, also seen in your actions, and how you treat others. You are not who you think you are, unless it matches what you do, "do unto others".

I am a Christian with a true and solid faith and friends will need to understand that my faith is an inseparable part of who I am.
I would rather do my very best to walk a vibrant, good life than preach or talk a prideful line. I am also far from being a fanatic. I have had close friends of other faiths with whom I have real mutual admiration and respect for our differences as equals.

I am willing to clean chat online with just about anyone.
However, for anything else... 
(I know I am repeating myself above, but some people seem to not be seeing this).
Please be straight and potentially seeking exclusive monogamous relationship.

I'd rather chat with a man who will show me his great smile, and wants me get to know the person he is FIRST and foremost...
NOT "Hi, this is a close up of my cock"...As if that is how we shake hands these days. 

I'm starting to think dildos can send emails. Lol. 
I am not a flesh puppet and neither are you.
I still like men as equals and would like to keep it that way.
Please contact me ONLY if you intend to speak with me as a real complete human being.

Rule #1 of email communication: TRY to remember a human being is on the other end.
#2 don't waste time with anyone ignoring #1.

Seeking an equal. If you are looking for a "discreet relationship", that is NOT me. I am honestly single and I do not want flirtations from men who are already in a relationship. On-the-side does not show either of us the value and attention we deserve.

No deceit, anger / drama problems, STDs, psychosis, criminal history, unhealthy addictions, or hang-ups like gambling, drugs or booze.

Thank you for reading my profile. 
What kind of relationship(s) do you want?
Long term, Activity pals,  Exclusive monogamous relationship sharing life together.
If more than 30 miles away, then blogging and email penpals. 
What kind of night life do you enjoy?
Movies out or in, coffee houses, dining out or making dinner together, live music, dock walk with moonlight view over Lake Wa.
What's the largest number of people you've shared a sexual encounter with in one session?
I've only had one-on-one sex, because only kind I want.
Oh believe me, I have had every kind of offer way before the Internet even existed. 
How big of a role does sex play in your life?
I love sex, but if I don't have a partner, I just masturbate. 
What types of sex activities do you regularly enjoy?
Didn't I just answer this?
No boyfriend, so I am celibate...unless you count sex with my own hand? Lol.
Would rather discuss specifics with a partner.
Have been told I am "a little wild and kinky, but in a good way".
A classy natural sexual magnetism is radiated by and integrated into who a healthy self-accepting person is even if not having sex.
Always in competition with self to be the very best.
Mind-blowing sex is only kind ever created with a partner so they felt like they had been missing out in a big way before discovering me.
All about not being preconceived based on prior experienced nor cookie-cutter in attitude. Instead, starting over in discovering in each of ourselves things not even previously realized could be. Learning and teaching anew always has the results of reaching all new heights and discovering new simple and extreme turn-ons.
Sex that is about true caring for the entire unique person much more than just physical, reinforcing each other's strengths, and NEVER into inflicting or receiving pain, fear, abuse, degredation, invalidation, intimidation or humiliation.
How much enjoyment do you get from receiving oral sex?
I love oral, but not every single time.
What are your thoughts on anal sex?
Happy to use toys of his choice on (or in) a boyfriend IF he enjoyed receiving that. 
What types of sexual activities turn you on?
Giving oral sex, Receiving oral sex, Rimming, Mutual masturbation, Food play, Massage, Using toys of his choice on him.
Equal initiating. Loyal, not tame. Creative & resourceful, not routine. Topsy-turvy who's on top. Equal shared dominance -- equal your turn, my turn, our turn. Spark in the eyes and eager playful magnetism. 
What types of sexual activities are OFF LIMITS to you?
Sadomasochism, Urolagnia (Water Sports / Urine), Coprophilia / Scat, Pain, Candle Wax, Breast / Nipple Torture, Clamps, etc., Threesomes, Other people watching us have sex, "Open" sex relationship.
What factors are most important to you when looking for a sexual partner?
Practices safe sex (always uses a condom AND oral barrier). Not promiscuous.
Loyal but not tame. Prefers and welcomes monogamy. Can make and keep a real lasting commitment, does not fear commitment and accountability or consider them to be bad words. Selective, Caring, Kind, Considerate, Two-way Compassion, Respects boundaries, Honesty, Full disclosure, Looks out for my ultimate well being, Personality, Intelligence, Sexual appetite, Effort, Willingness to freely discuss and try anything, Creativity / Kinkiness level, Affectionate, Spirited, Playful, Expressive, Goodhearted, Reliable, Responsible, Reasonable, & Teachable! 
What types of new sexual experiences would you like to explore?
Rather discuss this with a partner.
Besides the obvious, what areas of your body do you consider erogenous zones?
Mind (Intelligence), Lips, Neck, Hands / Fingers, Chest, Belly / Abs, Butt, Inner thigh, Absolutely every part of the body.
Have you ever had erotic pictures or video taken of you?
I'm not into "capturing the moment".
Yes I have, but before there was the Internet & I erased the video when ended the LTR. 
Does size really matter to you?
Nature just gave me my pointer finger to work with.
As long as his cock is bigger than that, it's an upgrade, and so I'm not too worried, lol! As long as it works, plus effort and talent, I'm happy. If it constantly pops out like a champaigne cork, then "Houston we have a problem". 
Do you enjoy talking dirty during sex?
I really get into it sometimes.
What toys have you used in sex play?
Dildos / Vibrators, Cock ring, Strap-ons, Feathers, Satin, Silk, 
Whatever we both would like and want to try.
What bondage type gear do you enjoy using during sex play?
Soft voluntary bondage only (that he can slip out of), Silk scarves, Blindfolds, Silk ties as lose handcuffs. Licorice rope. Into fun fantasy play not fear.
What food items have you used in sex play?
Whipped cream, Jell-O, Ice, Ice cream, Pudding, Grapes, Strawberries / Berries, Marscipone, Popsicles, Frosting, Syrup, Cake, Champagne, Pop-rock candy, caramel, Torani Italian syrup, edible massage oil. Not into gung.
What food items are you interested in using for sex play?
All external only. Open to safe exploration that sounds fun.
What kind of porn movies do you enjoy the most?
Enjoy erotica, but not into porn. Not into watching other people have sex.  
How do you enjoy your porn?
Photos, self-play video boyfriend sends ONLY to me, "Rush home".
If had a boyfriend, I would be into watching him play with himself. 
What is your favorite clothing style(s) during the day?
Classy, Svelt, Streamlined, Casual.
What body part do you first notice when you meet a person?
Smile, eyes, overall shape / silhouette, personality, and attitude, all simultaneously.
What physical factors are most important to you when looking for a sexual partner?
Clean, well groomed, Healthy lifestyle overall, no STDs or other trasmittable illness. Relative height and size so we fit nicely together when spooning and cuddling. Endurance.  
What do you wear for underwear?
French high-cut briefs.
What do you think about tattoos?
So long as it's tasteful & artistic.
What do you think about piercings on men?
Do not like peircings on nose, tongue, mouth, cock, or anything that might dribble, lol! 
What piercings do you have?
I have single piercing on ears only.
What is your sexual health status?
STD free (tested regularly), Tested 6 months after end of every relationship. 
What STDs are you comfortable with your partner having?
STD free (tested regularly).

4 albums added :
"Face pic 2014", 
"Other : Laughter and wisdom (memes)", and 
"Other : Spirit and heart (memes) " .
This member currently has received 106 Blings.

6 Blogs :
"Sick Jokes. How twisted are you?"
"Love drama? Go on a first date."
"Hypocrisy and just desserts. "
"Lessons in least likely places."
"Erotic Exploration...The Backdoor. Discussing taboos." 
"The Journey."

Copyright © 2014 All rights reserved.
Sick Jokes. How twisted are you?
Posted:Sep 24, 2014 12:52 pm
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2014 4:06 am

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile, and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let’s have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.

"Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.

There was silence, and then the masochist said: “Meow."

PS Yah, I know. I am a horrible horrible person. Some of you are going to stop talking to me, sending me emails, and following my blogs after this one...because you are very worried some part of me might actually be serious, lol.
Hmmm, now what forum to post this on where people have a sense of humor?
Love drama? Go on a first date.
Posted:Aug 15, 2014 8:51 am
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2014 3:58 am

Love Drama? Go On A First Date
(From tragedy to parody and everything in between. My rambling on the use, misuse, and over-use, of the word "drama".)

A new commercial is out that starts off saying, "Love drama? Go on a first date."
I love parody!

Let me preface this by saying...
I'm not out to cause more turmoil and chaos than life already delivers. There is more than enough of that already. The reasonably healthy responsible person has or will encounter plenty of that to try to put into order.
I also will not refer to those feelings which are a predictable natural response as a healthy human being to current challenges in life and behaviors of others as *drama*.  The fact that someone still feels the natural healthy spectrum of emotions and a predictable response is not "drama"
...It's being's a damned miracle these days.

And things not going the way we hoped or wanted is not "drama". It is disappointment, delay, delayed gratification, stress, discouragement, loss, new dreams needing to be formed, and sometimes even distressing pain, traumatic upheaval, real heartbreak or tragedy (ie death of a loved one).
Divorce has been described sometimes as a tearing, resembling an attack on one's own flesh, sometimes more elaborate strategic survival moves and bureaucratic paperwork than fighting of  a hostile corporate takeover. 
If someone is going through a divorce, and you don't want to risk getting too close or romantic entanglements during that vulnerable chaotic time, say so. But dont say, "I really don't want to get involved in your *drama*." It's insulting, callous and cruel.  
I also do not believe in using the phrase "I don't want or like drama, and negative people" to avoid adult behavioral responsibility for my own words, actions, and inactions... That would be lacking self-accountability, vapid, and insulting. Especially when even a two-year-old could have predicted and recognized that my bad behavior WILL do damage and effect others, then they naturally might get very upset and have a highly emotional negative response...
Simple solution, stop repeatedly doing things to hurt or piss people off.
"I don't like drama" sounds like "I can't tie my own shoe strings," or "I play in the cat litter box...Why do I smell poo?"
Simple cause-and-effect, the natural consequence of ones own actions.

Whenever someone has very little on a profile, what they list is usually going to be regarded as the most important factors and the reoccuring issues to them. Each time someone sends an emails to me for the first time, I read his or her profile before I reply. If the profile is very short and says "no drama", I think, "Oh here it comes. Should I duck-and-cover now?"
And sure enough... If that person did not get what he or she wanted after the first email, the next email would be rude, a childish tantrum, or flat-out abusive. 
Drama can also mean making a huge deal over something the has very little real or lasting consequence and expecting everyone else to curtail to your wishes... Hmmm, does sum buwdy nweed a time out? 

If we don't want any "drama", then maybe we should be honest, reliable, accountable, reasonable, respectful, stable, law-abiding, non-egotistical, of cheerful spirit, try to treat people with some consideration, and behave like we want them to enjoy themselves. Right?
Well the trouble is we have all been on a first date where the other person did the opposite of that. Maybe even to such an outlandish extreme that (once we have recovered from the event) the person seemed like a caricature or cartoon character. 

Then there is the Drama Queen. I have a friend who is a high maintenance Drama Queen every moment of her life. It's annoying.  
But I can be annoying is not all of the time (at least I hope not, haha) . I have my moments, and it is very specific moments. Certain things, I have my small number of idiosyncrasies. 
Case in point, my birthday...   
Every time my birthday comes along, I buy a little box of my favorite chocolate. A specific brand of chocolate, only THAT brand, and ONLY in their Dark Chocolate-dipped plump bing Cherries preserved in real Russian brandy (which just happens to only come in a six-count box). On a quest I will search all over the county for them until I get one. Family and friends make fun of me over it, and I make fun of myself over it. But no one is insulted or hurt, except maybe the six cherries.
Heck yes I know I am acting rediculous like a caricature or cartoon character. Once acquired, I look around with feigned paranoid suspicion and protectively cradle the little silver and gold filigree painted box, look at it intensely as if adoringly obsessed while petting it and (like Smeagol) say "My Precious!" ...Just to be silly. 
But I don't think that is the kind of drama the commercial meant...unless someone takes me out on my birthday and buys me the wrong chocolate. Jk!  
Drama is a stage show, the habit of confusing stirring-the-pot (without seeking to address and resolve a real difficulty or accomplish something solid) with being some sort of *entertainment*, passion, or excitement. The habit of being more comfortable in creating chaos, damage, and conflict than in creating solutions, resolutions, health and peace.

Well, believe me...I've had enough "excitement" from others and life, and I like boring. 
Frankly I fantasize about boring...
Fantisize about a nice "dull" non-dysfunctional evening... 
Fantasize about a world where I can go to the grocery store (or anywhere else) and not encounter the violence of someone mental who is beating on a girlfriend (or anyone) half their size in the parking lot. Fantasize about a world where people don't just keep walking by doing nothing to help.
My evening starts off with a call to law enforcement and ends with her words, "Thank you. I didn't know anyone cared anymore," hitting me somewhere I can't forget. I lost count of how many times I have heard that phrase. I fantasize about a world where no one has to say that, where no one experiences being or feeling that alone.
An officer asked a group coming out of the grocery what they saw. (The same group had seen everything, had walked right by on their way in and done nothing.) They replied "We don't want to get involved in the *drama*". 
If eyes could have shot someone dead. So sorry that having a spine would be such an inconvenience for you.
I had to say to her, "I am sorry for every time, so many times, someone just kept walking". 
I fantasize about a world where such a simple no-brainer of doing the right thing is just done, never treated as the last thing someone would ever do. Not treated as a rediculously impossible difficulty or inconvenience where clearly something else was more "important". 
I know I am not perfect, but still...sometimes I am so disgusted by the behavior and dog-eat-mentality of so many members of my species, that I don't like people very much. I am ashamed to call myself feels like being called a planetary infestation and parasite. 
With that thought on my mind, I get home and turn on the TV.
Narrator, "Biologists once considered the eating of an individual's own species a behavioral mistake made by animals that were unnaturally overcrowded. But after new analyses, the puzzle is why it does not occur more often".
Whoa! Now that was *dramatic*. Shudder. was an irony. And I am a horrible disturbed disgusting terrible person for even thinking it had anything even remotely to do with my train of thought.
Well, whatever it was it creeped me out. And everybody else thought it was funny.
That's it. I'm not watching TV anymore. It's the TV's fault, so I am ending our "relationship" because that inanimate block of electronic hardware is being too *dramatic*.        
1 comment
Hypocrisy and just desserts :-D
Posted:Mar 18, 2014 11:49 pm
Last Updated:Aug 10, 2014 8:42 am

Hypocrisy and just desserts.

Hello sir, I'm from your Internet provider. You recently posted that "homosexuality is wrong". So in an effort to provide you with the best Internet experience, we have blocked you from viewing lasbian porn. 
1 comment
Lessons in least likely places
Posted:Jan 8, 2014 8:02 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2014 6:45 am

On the topic of stexting, I have stexted or enjoyed fantasy text-only play (no cam) before, but this was not the initial intent or direction of the conversation, happened only after a great deal of clean conversation with someone whom I respected and well-knew was likewise unattached. Always was with only one man in that time frame, not a bunch of men. In fact it was discussed then asked of a long-distance email pal, "want to be my Designated Fantasy Stext Play Partner so we don't lose our minds in this long celebate gap between relationships?" and his inquisitive reply at a concept he never even considered "so, what would that look like?" We were adult enough to openly discuss and revisit real impact, discuss language to be clear of the line between what was imaginative play "want to play a game?" and what was not, to set rules respecting each others in-person lives and individual ethical boundaries, what each of us was and was not okay with, discussed trust and what would be deal-killers, and firmly agree to inform each other immediately and cease all sexual or inviting dialog if one of us found a real-world relationship interest. So we talked about what would be the test, what would be the question that would answer if we were respecting our friendship as our relationship status with others changed over time. And we came up with this... "If your partner had been a fly on the wall that saw and heard everything that was going on, would he or she genuinely be okay with it? If the answer is "No" then we won't do it. Because what harms or threatens someone you care about, harms you too. And if I'm a real friend, I won't do you harm." Even though this text buddy fadded away, out of it came a surprising blessing... That one "Fly on the wall rule" I caried with me throughout life to well outside the circumstances where it was created and has preserved important friendships with men (people of the opposite sex) ever since.  It helped demonstrate a respect and established my friendship as healthy and a non-threat over time. As life changes happened, relationship status changed and a girlfiend or wife entered a man friend's life his " *other* gal pals just werent appropriate to keep". One friend in particular said that he told his new wife, "She's the one who taught me how to respect you," and that he told her "about that darned fly rule". Years later unfortunately he was divorced, sadly she didnt respect him with the same "rule", now it's five years later. And he has moved all over the world, yet every single it New Years Eve, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, my birthday, mother's day, Valentines Day, St Patrick's Day, and any day celebrate...he calls me without ever missing a single one. When I said, "I'm surprised, because you never miss a one, how come Im so important?" He said, "How could I forget, you taugh me more than anyone I and your darned fly."  
The Journey
Posted:Jun 16, 2013 6:11 am
Last Updated:Aug 5, 2013 12:44 am

(This is my original writing that was initially something I wrote in private email to a friend awhile back. The friend said it was beautiful writing that should be posted for others to read some day. Please excuse if it seems obscure as it was one of my writings in a private thread.)    

The Journey

Im just a human being stumbling and struggling through this shared, messy, unpredictable muddy earth. 
Your same shared earth. 
Shared with all kinds of living things and people...
And in spite of the multitude, each living thing that can feel...
Can feel lonely even with no reason,
and no matter how together on this shared journey. No more, no less, sometimes lost and sometimes found. Yet finding I may know nothing at all... 
And yet...
Priceless upon creation, above rubies and beyond all measure. The entire journey, every bit of it... Even the uncomfortable, and maybe the uncomfortable most of all...
It all has it's magnificence. Words are too small. Any two-dimensional idea of me that exists only in one’s mind...far smaller. 
How can you get mad if I don't fit that tiny superficial box...
All those little boxes, those two-dimensional tiny expected rolls set in your heads. Your head, your territory, within the property lines of you. Responsibility for your behavioural ownership, for what you imagine in all it's falseness of "image" in that head of yours,
Completely outside of me...
Me in a my real, and staying true in genuine sharing of me. 
Respect. No one's perceptions define me, my perceptions, and my sense of self.
Each are just that...mine to own—I do not mean that we should be narcissistic or self-absorbed.
What I do mean is...
I do not give up the power to stand in my own reality. Freedom, free will, free-willed, independently thinking, spirited. My self-worth is priceless upon creation, it is not set by someone's opinion.
Definitions in words too small.
Cast away your two-dimension, your little box of ugly in your fake "ideal". 
Cast away the misogyny, the misandry...what you do to me, you do to you--so it's one and the same,
making one against one.
...You say, "their attention...they won’t give me any." Well maybe that's why, they bought into it against one. Messages of mass destruction, and this isn't military warfare hun. They ( and we) went to the wrong school...
Scuttle that "education," much of what we thought we knew about building relationships with men and women was based on something that is simply wrong. Something to keep us divided, small, unthinking, in boxes, manipulated and manipulating crazy-making ...lost deluded...a trap... harnessed with blinders... commodity consumed... bought and sold... controllable...
Cast away the gaslighting. Systematically withholding factual information from, while providing false information to manipulate anyone...has the gradual effect of making them anxious, confused, and less able to trust their own memory and perception...It IS   abuse...plain and simple. 
What is right? 
I think it starts with honest approach...
And great shared experiences with or without sex...
Where ideas of success, validation, and self-worth are not hinged upon if sex happens. 
Beyond that, this is something probably no one has one answer for everybody...
Nor has totally finished thinking through --
Because being and living is dynamic and ever fluidly changing.
The next moment a butterfly effect of exponential magnetic serendipity.
And because there is no one exactly like you... You are one in over seven million ( I think that's pretty cool ) . Value... Priceless beyond measure. Facets reflecting more spectrums of color each moment as the sun and moon seem to move in earth's spinning journey across the sky. In all that wonder, Is it even possible to ever value anyone... enough?  
What I do know, however, is that by being sincere and thoughtful, and by understanding ( seeking to understand? ) my own self worth and the value of the people around me the journey is a heck of a lot better...
No matter if its for a day or a lifetime, stronger more increadible relationships with others come out of it, and I have a more meaningful life... Or moment if this second is the last here...guaranteed one day it will be, most likely without awareness before it's run out.
One moment here, the next gone...what legacy do you wish to give, how do you want to effect others in this second now which is all you ever have?
Do you want to spend and sell your second away for little boxes, fake "ideal", misogyny, misandry, gaslighting, deceits...what you do to me, you do to you--so it's one and the same, you take it with you, making one against this your only second? Spend it well.
...You say, "their attention...they won’t give me any." Well maybe that's why, they bought into it too...out of fear this second of life sold and spent for deceit and destruction. Love does not simultaneously coexist with being in deceit. Who did you REALLY love right now? What is love...
Once the blindness of objectifying commodity thinking is cast aside, what does the face of love look like? Love is patient, kind, and does not envy, it is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on it's way for reasons of self gain or conceit, it protects, it does no harm and no deliberate wrong, but rejoices in the right. It chooses the ultimate or highest good for another person. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things and sustains. It has the tenacity to never give up so it never fails, it is actions consistent over time and not just words or is trusted out of a shared experience of reliable track record for being trustworthy... When I was a , I spoke like a , I thought like a , I reasoned like a with childish ways. When I truly became an adult, I gave up childish ways. When I am in understanding, and pear away the foolishness, I see the greatest thing that matters in this second is always love.

And what I ask of you, I ask of myself... I am not exempt from unlearning, learning, and relearning... forgetting and constantly reminding myself... As with courage its not something you have. Its something to learn, unlearn, and relearn, again and again, every moment, and every day... This is not just what Im saying from me to you, this message is what Im reminding my fallible self to simultaneously hear in "viewing" you too...
You look at me, but do you see me? Im not Pinochio, not some doll, nor some Velveteen Rabbit. Though Im a little tattered, I've been real all along...whole, entire, one. Not a compiled heap of body part. Throw away your meat butcher's diagram. Hold my hand. Do you see me, do you look through the windows of who I am behind these eyes...or do you not venture beyond pretty colored glass. 
Whole, entire, one, complete. You can't complete me, Im a full glass. Let's pour into each other and overflow. Of course that will get messy, everything great usually is...everyone worthwhile. 
I'm no Big Bad Wolf, I could huff and I puff until I turn blue... But with all my sincerity, my efforts, think about it, Im no real threat to you. If I knock do you let me in. Do you embrace me.... Me, my inner completities. ...As I also embrace you... all of just you... In all your dimensions seeking to understand all of the inner complexities. complexities not just inherent in all human beings...your inner character of uniquely entirely you. Just you, no more, no less, sometimes lost and sometimes found. You have my attention. Its a big world, how could it be meaningless. Your same shared earth. Its a big world, it gets lonely sometimes. Lets chase away the darkness. No matter the hour, our smiles can be the sun. We are bound to stumble on this shared journey......lovely messy, unpredictable muddy earth. Let's go play in the mud.  
Hold up the lantern, we won't be snared or fall. Take my hand. Walk with me. 
...or if you       

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