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Blogs > senfully > sen's blog

What do you do?  

senfully 55F  
618 posts
5/13/2021 4:14 pm
What do you do?

Trigger warning. Proceed with caution if words can be upsetting for you. Not a happy poem.

senfully 55F  
443 posts
5/13/2021 4:16 pm

 I have been dissolved and shaken,
Worn other people’s faces,
Run madly, as if Time were there,
Terribly old, crying a warning,
“Hurry, you will be dead before—”
(What? Before you reach the morning?
Or the end of the poem is clear?
Or love safe in the walled city?)
—May Sarton, "Now I Become Myself"

What do you do?
written May 13th, 2021

What do you do with...

the fires inside that tears can't put out
and the floods of tears
you think you will drown in
because you are too tired
to even float anymore

the acid screams in your soul
that melt everything around them
but stay right in the center of your torso
just below your ribcage

the ache of your skin and muscles
that makes you want to cut
because that would hurt less
than this does

the smoldering black mass
that you hide because
you know others don't have it
as part of their anatomy

the words and stories and history
the burning smoldering ache
that is part of who you are
but is never spoken out loud

What do you do
to lessen the throbbing urgency of it all?

I don't want to die this way.

Write it down.
It is all I have figured out
that helps a little bit.

Then go lay down and rest.
Shhhhh. . .
It is ok. It will be ok.
There is time.


senfully replies on 5/13/2021 4:17 pm:
I don't want to worry people. I am fine. I am always fine. I want to be known. All of me. Writing this and not posting it, feels as awful as the nights feeling this and trying to keep it inside. So thank you to the people who care. I know you're there. I'm not always like this.

69ereatwetpussy 61M
6774 posts
5/13/2021 4:55 pm

 You live
Enjoy life
Do things
Go places
Look around
Listen up
Taste
Touch
Play
Most of all
Don't worry


1seeking1 58F
3767 posts
5/13/2021 5:33 pm

 Thank you for sharing this, when I feel something similar to what you describe, I write down, take walk, listen to music. When it feels really bad, my cats seem to sense it, the 3 have taken turns at my side. Stay safe


Purple_Skyes09 58M

5/13/2021 6:14 pm

 nice


jajo696 113F
Ask me for a photo
4287 posts
5/13/2021 6:46 pm

 At least you have figured out...to write it down. That in itself is a relief of sorts. Kudos to you for allowing that small sense of an outlet. Let it seep~~


fanofun44 46M
Ask me for a photo

5/13/2021 6:46 pm

 Thanks for sharing. Words are powerful-you never know when someone else is feeling the same way but doesn't know how to express it for themselves...


kamaruhl3 63M
4985 posts
5/13/2021 7:24 pm

 sen, so descriptive, but worrisome too. just know i'll always be around


Ultraviolet_Sol 43M
622 posts
5/14/2021 12:53 am

 I have lately been pondering the price of admittance into this strange world of technicolor and darkness, no easy feat. I think it takes such courage to feel what you feel and channel it to the page through the letters we have been given.

A very beautiful write. I felt or feel every segment of your excruciating beauty, down to my soul, in the smallest of increments.

Keep being fearless in the face of The Fear...

Love love Love the Sarton piece to enter in...
*. *. *


Inthewildsexy 40M

5/14/2021 1:05 am

 Interesting


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