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I guess I would have to ask myself why I am going, do you really want to celebrate the birthday or is it that you don't want your brother to have the power of you not going because of him. I have a family that is similar and I always showed up and killed them with kindness. They look like the fools if they are rude at someone elses gathering, I can be cordial to anyone for a short period of time.
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Well first off for this life you will finish when you die, I have no insight into if there exists an afterlife so can't comment on that. Regards your brother and this celebration, take a shillelagh with you and upon encountering your brother kindly offer your remorse for having avoided him for so long. Invite him outside where you may speak about the matter at length explaining you are hopeful for his benevolent forgiveness. O nce out side proceed to bash his brains out upon the ground, revel in your joy dance a jig or two then rejoin the celebration inside and rejoice again! It must be this joyous holiday season causing me to feel all this brotherly love![post 3537801]
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....I have learned that "time heals". If it was me, and I knew the demons had to come out at some point, I would go. Things just might be different because of the passage of time and we are all getting older. If things don't go favorably, I could always bow out and proceed with what has been going on for years. "Nothing lost-nothing gained"! (please note--this is what "I" would do!)
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I did not attend my Grandfather's funeral this past January because my evil sister was there and I did not want to make the funeral about our issues. But I have a tendency to just bow out and let other's have their way if I feel there would be any kind of adversity or scene. I can't tell you which you should do. But I get where you are at. Hugs.
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Some people can deal with a family rift better than others. I can. I learned to say "Fuck you!" early in life. Just because someone offers me a handful of shit doesn't mean I'm taking it. My wife can't. It upsets her too much and goes back too far and too deep. Whatever might be gained by an attempt at reconciliation isn't worth what it costs. Whatever you decide, take care of yourself, and maintain balance. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Having been through a few things such as what you're talking about, I can relate to what you are going through (no pun intended) and the dilemma you face. Personally, I think you should go, if for no other reason than to reestablish contact with your niece and nephews as well as your other relatives. As Funlvr suggested, kill them with kindness, even your brother. It's possible he could respond positively to that and you might even be able to calmly discuss the issues between you. If things get too crazy, you can always leave, but you will know that you have faced your demons and that you tried. As the old saying goes, Nothing Ventured. Nothing Gained. Good Luck!
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This seems like a good opportunity to break som ice? A relatively safe environment in which you might be able to face your brother from a distance without having to speak to him? And you may also get to see your niece & nephews? Och, I'm really sorry mate. It's a horrible situation for you. Good luck with whatever you choose.
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ii have ben right where you are right now I haven't seen mu nieces and nephews since my brothers funeral the ex wife of my brother is whom I had a beef with I tried to confronts this problem and it failed miserably she gets off on having the power to keep us away from her kids.. so I deal with it and put them kids first because they really need their whole family.. its hard but I do it.. and trust me m you need to cherish your family before its to late this was one of the things I have regrets about .and when they ate gone they're gone and it hurts like hell to not have made things right between us..so I say try if it fails at least you'll know you tried which will bring you some peace. you should do it for those kids,,, my aunt and uncles were very important to me growing up.........they were my mentors and would of beam lost without them
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ms leo gave some great advise
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hmm, what dilemma for you. I don't what the exact situation is and why you have such fear/animosity toward your brother? I say go to the party and celebrate your nieces accomplishments-if your brother confronts you just walk away. You are there for your niece and not for your brother. It takes two to wan to heal and forgive...and if one or both parties are not willing then it will not happen- no one force someone to forgive. good luck! “Life is available only in the present moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh Come and read my blog! Become a watcher! veryfunnycple64
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My advice is to decide first on your motive for going.....if it is simply just to celebrate her birthday and have a good time....then go and do not allow your differences with your brother spill over into any scene which would ruin HER day. If you do not think this is possible....then politely decline the invitation....giving some plausible excuse and send her a gift. ~~Anais Nin~~
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I'm not sure what advice to give, where your family is concerned, I'm sure things will work out. In the meantime here's something for you to think about.... You could always take your mind off the situatikn and ..... Screw me, then, cum all over my tits... What do you think of that proposition, any help tk you??
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I'm not one of these people that thinks blood relatives are all you have and the deepest link there is. We make connections and relationships with people that are not blood and love and like them more than some blood. If you can attend and just be non confrontational... why not attend? If you think it'll be completely toxic... skip it. Depends on who you want to see. Whether it's right or not, if your brother doesn't want you around his kids it's not really your decision to make. I get that these are brutal decisions to have to make but they are a comprimise. Figuring out how to communicate with people you're not particularly fond of is a skill set. We don't know the whole story and I don't know you. I might pick up the phone and call your brother and ask him if it would be a thing. Make it seem like it's his decision. He might say "why would I give a fuck if you show up". He might say "if you go... I won't ". He might say "let's put it behind us... we should catch up". You have options. Big boy pants time Sir. Good luck. Do me a favor...go look at one of my other posts and make a comment... please...
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Go with your first impulse. Don't make a scene. Enjoy...
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It all depends if you are gonna let your brother have power over you. Me and my sister have not spoke since my dads death 4 years ago but I would not in-power her enough to keep me away from a family event I wanted to attend, nor would I cause a problem with her.
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Since I don't know what the issue of the falling out is it's hard to for me to give my opinion. Was it something that at the time seemed so important but now when you look back was really something trivial? I'd have to say go make at least a short appearance, if there is an issue with your brother then make your apologies and leave. You can always go and just ignore him, or just give him a polite nod or recognition. You don't have to talk to him just because he's there. Face your demons and laugh in their face. Don't let your brother control your life.
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If you are having doubts, it's because you are ponder on going... Deep down you feel you should go. Face whatever comes your way... Be brave {=} Between Heaven & Hell - My Kingdom Guestbook and Messages box
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You are most decidedly between a rock and a hard place. As others have already stated, you have several choices. Don't go, and avoid all possible contact with your brother, and thereby disappoint the celebrant (cause ya know... they want you there and invited you). Go, and possibly encounter an uncomfortable situation with the brother and possibly a major brawl. Obviously the relationship between you and the brother was toxic to you. I cant promise that he's changed... but consider this....You DONT have to give him that kind of power over you, to keep you away from people you care about. As someone said kill him with kindness if he shows his ass in public, no one can fault you for being a lady, taking the moral high ground and letting him wallow in the mud. And.. make it your mission this year to visit your parents graves.... you owe it to yourself. "You've seen my descent, Now watch my rising!" - Rumi Some women are lost in the fire. Some women are forged from it - Michele K.
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Think about why you are considering going before making any decision. If you want to go to wish your cousin a happy 21st, then go and do just that. Don't let the chasm between your brother and yourself extend to the rest of your family any more than it lready has. Be prepared to leave if a confrontation arises. It is your cousin's day, not yours. If you want to go to the party to have a final battle with your brother or hash out old differences, then you shouldn't. Either of those cases should be through sending a letter explaining why you wish to bury the hatchet or, alternatively, bash his brains in. Whether you left because you got his girlfriend pregnant and didn't want to deal with the repurcussions or he used his children and your connection to constatnly borrow money that he never intended to repay (only two possibilities, examples which I hope don't hit it on the head), a birthday party isn't the place to end the feud. The most diplomatic thing to do would be to reach out to your brother, tell him your intent to attend the birthday party, and arrange through your cousin which one of you should attend which half of the party. If you're there at the first part and leave before he arrives, no one needs to cope with the possible fall out of a confrontation. Or it could be something simple like the feud between me and my sister. I'd just lost the love of my life. She'd come over to support me, and I'd woken up to find her boyfriend snuggled up with her. In the home where I lived with my lost love. I didn't speak with her again until the birth of her son eight years later. Some wounds are deep and will never go away, but we need to pave the roads of forgiveness to rebuild the family and have relationships with the children involved. Or you could just show up with guns. No. Don't do that.
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