Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
Blogs > rm_talldarkavg1 > AFF #1 Source for Useless Info |
The History Of Sex...Part 1
The History Of Sex...Part 1 As Blogville's eldest resident, anthropology aficionado, and part-time curb-feelers promoter, I felt it was time that I explained just how sex has evolved into the international pastime that it is today, since so many members here are young and resultantly, curious. Of course, most of this information will be first-hand knowledge. We shall begin this journey long after the primordial ooze and the dinosaurs. We'll start at the moment when the human race began walking upright. It was a Tuesday. 9:04 A.M. (EST) Even though the early female role was focused on caring for the , some gathering was in fact performed by the female on a daily basis. Since Tupperware containers were still years away in their appearance, the early female gatherer needed a means of carrying larger quantities of berries than just the hands would allow. The birth of innovation. She would pick berries and stuff them into her vagina. Granted, no one has discovered a fossilized blueberry stained vagina yet, but it could happen. In fact, further evidence hints that alert chipmunks in that era observed this practice and adapted their cheeks to mime this effective gathering technique. Frail and hungry females would attempt to eat these berries and gave birth to lesbianism. The male was the primary gatherer. In the early years, the penis had a similar function as the elephant's trunk. It was used to not only carry food and timber for fires, but was used as a secondary breathing apparatus. The early male could stand on his hands in a stream or lake and gather edibles while breathing out the penis. This function is still evident in modern man. Ever notice how a man will do a handstand as soon as he enters water? This is a primal instinct to breathe. A lot of people don't know this. Penis vagina pleasure sex did not exist in the early years at all. Pleasure sex was accomplished by the female rubbing a rock on her genitals and then ambushing and hitting the male in the head with the scented rock. It was called zug-zug. Naturally, stronger females used larger rocks and thus significantly reduced the size of the male mating population. Actually, using the penis for pleasure sex was invented by early gay males. Hence the name, Homo Erectus. Observant females immediately hooked up with these males and gave birth to bisexual behavior. The straight males attempted this practice with the females but were rejected because of a really poor technique. Not to be denied what looked like fun, they began practicing on trees with knotholes. When they got good they would then approach a female, and insert a stick in her vagina, swirl it (clockwise), and then mount her. This later evolved into the dildo play. The reason they originally inserted the stick was to check for bees. In part two we will examine the medieval sexual practices and learn about the birth of female controlled sex. [blog talldarkavg1] |
|||
11/23/2008 1:49 pm |
This explains so much!!! Have you submitted it to scientific monthly yet? Rog
| ||
11/23/2008 1:51 pm |
Very interesting. I was wondering about the roots of anal sex though. I always assumed that when a male took it in the ass from another, it wrecked him. Hence, the the anatomical term rectum. I haven't been able to find out if the word is a direct translation of the Latin (the language egg-heads seem to prefer) or, if it was because of the lack of spell-check at the time. Any help along these lines would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
| ||
|
The term Honey was coined as an endearment when the male learned the female controlled the use of the vagina. Shortly thereafter came champagne, roses, chocolate candy, and begging. [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
This explains so much!!! Have you submitted it to scientific monthly yet? Rog [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
Very interesting. I was wondering about the roots of anal sex though. I always assumed that when a male took it in the ass from another, it wrecked him. Hence, the the anatomical term rectum. I haven't been able to find out if the word is a direct translation of the Latin (the language egg-heads seem to prefer) or, if it was because of the lack of spell-check at the time. Any help along these lines would be appreciated. Thanks in advance. [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
You're welcome girl. Wait until you learn about the scaled down bear trap that was inserted in the vagina to deter midnight raids. [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
11/23/2008 2:52 pm |
When did oral sex begin, Tall? Who invented it?
| ||
|
When did oral sex begin, Tall? Who invented it? [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
Ohhhh That explains a lot.....like.... I hope you wont see the fact that I love honey as any leanings in that direction..... and...... the origins of that crude and succinct phrase, 'just stick it in' btw...... having a 220 outlet installed in my bedroom be well tender hugs...m.
| ||
|
<---got distracted before the second paragraph Uh, you are affirming your Eldest Resident status by even knowing what curb feelers are, lol. Wait. Did I just do that, too? Damn. Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
| ||
|
Ohhhh That explains a lot.....like.... I hope you wont see the fact that I love honey as any leanings in that direction..... and...... the origins of that crude and succinct phrase, 'just stick it in' btw...... having a 220 outlet installed in my bedroom be well tender hugs...m. [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
Part two will have a warning. It isn't for the faint of heart. Or the logical. [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
<---got distracted before the second paragraph Uh, you are affirming your Eldest Resident status by even knowing what curb feelers are, lol. Wait. Did I just do that, too? Damn. [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
It's my pleasure to explain that position. It will be covered thoroughly in Part Two. Roughly, it involved a midget named Chloe and medieval hockey puck smuggling. [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
This time, instead of awed, I'm Edified!!
| ||
|
{font face='comic sans ms']I saw the talk about hidden berries and chipmunks taking a whole different direction. Thought maybe you were going to discuss Richard Gere's ancestors.[/font] Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.
| ||
|
oh..hi. Can't talk now, busy writing notes.... (did you say "bear trap??? Damn and I thought is was bad enough that women had to wear those mountians and mountains of clothes....) I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn
| ||
|
This time, instead of awed, I'm Edified!! [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
I saw the talk about hidden berries and chipmunks taking a whole different direction. Thought maybe you were going to discuss Richard Gere's ancestors. I picked on him last month with the Gerbil Foundation poster. Amnesty this month [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
Hence the very reason I invented the TallCo® 3 inch El Extendo Magnum. By my reckoning...somebody owes me 365 inches of vagina! Hold on...that's over 30 feet of vagina...I could stand up in there almost 5 times. Let me see if I still have that scuba gear and I'll get back to you. [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
Sweet & smooth, I knew it! Wait a tick sweetie...you saying yours has bees? [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
Hands on begins in about 6 minutes. As for show and tell...possibly. Depends if I can locate an overhead projector with a telephoto lens. Pull out and bail out are often confused. One involves wild reckless spontaneous sex withdrawal and the other involves being set free after the police involvement on the former. [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
Somebody stole your photo...and possibly your fossil! I don't know about you, but I kinda like it when people mess with my fossil. [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
oh..hi. Can't talk now, busy writing notes.... (did you say "bear trap??? Damn and I thought is was bad enough that women had to wear those mountians and mountains of clothes....) [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
Thank you. [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
12/4/2008 10:51 am |
That explains a lot waitng for part two
| ||
|
THIS WAS AWESOME!!! Glad you told me to read it.. can't wait for Part 2.
| ||
|
That explains a lot waitng for part two [blog talldarkavg1]
| ||
|
THIS WAS AWESOME!!! Glad you told me to read it.. can't wait for Part 2. [blog talldarkavg1]
|
Become a member to create a blog