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NSA LTR - what does it mean to you?
NSA LTR - what does it mean to you? My experience may be different from yours and my views may be different from yours. But this is what I've found. Obviously I'm looking at it from a woman's point of view. Men may meet a different cross-section of society. (Also depending on what age group they date or email.) NSA means no strings attached. Usually a married man or one who has a partner or long-term girlfriend. He wants sex on his holiday or holidays or days off. He thinks a woman will jump in a car or invite back to her home a man she has known for five minutes who refuses to show any kind of identification, not his name, workplace, phone number. He wants to buy a drink or coffee and pay cash. Sorry, no deal. Think about it. I want to meet in a restaurant where the other person has phoned, given their real name to the restaurant, and paid with a credit card, and sat around for two hours or longer so the waiting staff have a clear memory of them. I know that's not top grade security. He could have a stolen car, or credit card, and be wearing a wig or toupee. But it's a great deal better than an anonymous man who goes to a crowded bar to buy a drink with cash and disappears. If he works shifts or his wife or partner or girlfriend does, or he )or the background woman who is first in his life) have a travelling job. He wants no emotional or financial commitment. Just an occasional fling. Basically looking for a nympho or bored housewife. His view is don't call me, I'll call you. Very occasionally a confirmed bachelor. LTR wants a regular girlfriend, regular phone calls. He wants to be number one and only one in your life. He will be anxious or jealous if you want to take phone calls from others, whether ex-husband or potential date. He may not be looking for marriage, but he certainly has in mind somebody to see evenings and weekends and bank holidays and summer holidays and Christmas and New Year and eventually living together and retiring together. NSA is not no baggage. No baggage to me means: No babies Babies means men cancel a date because their spouse is out with a new friend and they are left babysitting. Or the baby is ill. Or the babysitter is ill. No dogs Because men cancel dates because the sitter is ill, the is ill, the is dying, the is dead, the are upset because the is dead, the is alive and well but you have no money for a cattery or doggery so you can't go away for the weekend. You would only move in if you could bring your dog. (With my glassware - in a chinashop!) I will go out to dinner with people who have dogs. But I don't expect to ever live with them. I've had family with dogs and cats. Dogs or cats which jump on the bed in the night, scratch the furniture, scratch your new leather shoes. Recently broken engagement, or split up from wife this weekend. They will be back together next weekend. Meanwhile all he wants to talk about is her, not you. I had one guy turn up keen to meet me. I had no idea. Until I asked him about his last relationship. She had cancelled the wedding. He was tearful and sniffing all through dinner. It was my least romantic evening ever. I had a bad case of unwanted number two. So who else are the NSA's? The men who only want a coffee or a drink. 'I have a partner. I have a girlfriend. I'm not going to wine you and dine you.' I'm looking for a LTR. The man who will take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day. And send me an email. And phone me. And not be embarrassed if I phone him. I do discreet. I don't send nude pictures or phone somebody at work and talk about sex. But I don't do furtive. I expect somebody to answer the phone to me. And if it's not convenient say they'll call back and when. And if we meet friends in the restaurant or street they should be happy to introduce me. Friends with benefits? These are just stopgaps to stop you feeling unwanted and lonely, sex while you are waiting for somebody better and more serious to turn up. The friend with benefits can expect to be dumped as soon as a real boyfriend appears on the scene. I've spoken to several men who said they had a lovely relationship for three, six or nine months with a delightful lady. Then she got married. What does that tell you? He has constant relationships but either has family or financial commitments so he won't commit. Don't hang around for the speaker. A smart woman looking for LTR will double date until she finds somebody more serious. But this is an adult site. A sex site. Yes, but you get more dates here. Other vanilla sites are full of the unemployed and 'just looking' who want to chat because they are underemployed at work and will never even ask you out for coffee. Yes there are people on this 'adult' site, like me, looking for LTR. Somebody told me that most men, of any age, are looking for NSA, whilst most women, of any age, are looking for LTR. It's in the genes. And also in the way jobs and finances are structured. Whatever you say about women's lib, there's a glass ceiling. Men are more highly paid. In the twenties and thirties you need a man who is more highly paid to get a mortgage for a house, then keep the income while the wife is at home or working part time looking after . American research has shown that men get married about three years after they have achieved enough income to by a home and have dated enough women to want to settle down. (Later for graduates than those who left school and went straight to work.) Students can date students. Waste of time for older people unless they want to wait around five years. So who wants LTR in the over forties, over fifties and beyond? We are now into the separated, divorced, and widowed. At the extreme ends are the married man who wants to invite a woman for coffee or a drink so he can take a look, see if he fancies her enough to go back to her place for a mid-day quickie or one night stand. At the opposite end of the scale is the lonely widowed man at the far end of Britain who has had only one reply on the site (from me - or you if you are female, dear reader) and he is keen to drive a six hour or more round trip to London and spend money on going to dinner in a good restaurant, and drive home through the night, getting home at 2 am, or stop at a motel. I/you are his one hope. Yes, he's serious. He will drive over soon, within a fortnight. There's also the realistic man who has money but nobody serious to share with. He can wait until business or a family wedding, or visiting his family or friends can be combined with a meeting. Elegant evening out, but realistic. He knows surveys show that you and he may have to meet up to 25 people to meet the one, the soulmate. Okay, that said, is anybody going to sit at home moping, day after day, week after week, year after year, waiting for their soulmate to drop out of the skies, refusing to open the door unless somebody is standing there saying 'I want to marry you, I've known you twenty seconds but I've already made up my mind.'? I should be so lucky. Yes, we are all dashing around with friends and family and our interests and careers - even if switching careers or working part time. Of course, all this prissiness only applies to men in white vans. Frankly, I'll go out to dinner with anybody who asks me to the Ivy or the Fat Duck at Bray. I do not require a marriage proposal. He could have five wives, twenty , and six dogs. ROFL. That's my view. What's yours? Similar experience or different? Similar attitude or different? Similar experience or different? |
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Long blog, but an interesting viewpoint. The fact of the matter is, this is a sex site, and someone you meet here and get into an LTR with will likely cheat on you eventually, unless you're sexually adventurous, meaning you don't mind doing things with other people together. This is exactly the place where you meet people to fulfill your needs while waiting for the 'real thing', as you say. People should be commended here for being honest, because they let you know who they are from the beginning, and give you a legitimate choice-don't judge anyone just because they aren't your type. There are a a number of men here who will sell their first born child just to have an ejaculation with the opposite sex, and those types deserve all the flak they get. Bottom line is, anyone who's a member is here for a reason, and as long as they're honest about what that reason is, they will attract the right types of people. Seeking LTR's here is akin to a needle in a haystack, so you must be willing to wade through hell to find it, or simply use a website specifically designed for LTR's.
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Thanks for your comments. Most interesting. I've written such a long reply I've made it into my next blog. I've had more friends and dates from here. But I put much more time into it. In the early days I could be a standard member and reply to paid members. So that got me involved. Then the price was better. A year's membership for what UK sites charge for 6 months. And then the offer of 18 months for the price of 12. Had to be good value. I also got the chance to have a blog. And to make blings. At one time I had a regular lunch partner and a bridge player. Other sites (including sister sites to this one) turned up nothing or one date or phone call in six months. You would need to be on forty vanilla sites to get one phone call a week. Of course you get requests every two minutes saying 'wanna chat' from people who are not doing any kind of sensible work. I am keeping my options open.
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