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Do you want a photo of me smiling, sad or confused?
Do you want a photo of me smiling, sad or confused? A man emails and asks, ' Do you want a photo of me smiling, sad or confused? ' I loved this reply to my photo request. Very funny. I've already written blogs advising on photos showing smiling faces. All the sites say the same. Amazing how many confused and sad people expect replies to photos which make them look manic depressive. An amusing theme in both relationship and comic literature is what do women really think. I can't tell you about all women. But I can tell you about some of them. Those who think like me. Fasten your seatbelt. This blog is going to be a bumpy ride. Here are photos I see. Let's start with manic depressives. 1 Manic insincere fixed grin with unsmiling eyes. 2 Or suicidally depressed. Fixed grim. (Pun intended.) 3 Others look half-witted with an open mouth. 4 Drunks are falling sideways in silly hats. Making V signs. Squinting. Can't you just see them getting drunk on a first date because they are nervous and then shouting for all to hear: a) D'you wanna sleep with me? b) You've the girl who likes sex in ... No thanks. 5 Some seriously scary people are snarling like mug shots of hostile prisoners ready to start a riot. What does a woman think of these photos after she reads dozens of profiles of men like these: The most alarming openly say or insinuate that their fantasies are: 1 Sex in alleyways. 2 . 3 Gang bangs. The least unnerving want: 1 Unprotected sex. 2 Sex with strangers of both sexes. 3 Unprotected anal sex with strangers of both sexes. 4 Threesomes with total strangers. Are you really surprised that after this, a man not giving your name or phone number, occasionally finds that the woman is unnerved and she, at the first 'omen' - the cancelled train because of the body on the line, the newspaper story about the body in the woods, the venue changed twice - your nervous date decides to cancel or not show up. Males suggest to unknown women: 1 Going inside strangers' homes. 2 Take her back to his property. 3 Meeting at a place miles from her home to disappear anonymously into a hotel, then removing her clothes and identity. Is it not obvious that she, after reading dozens of these, would only like to meet a stranger who looks: 1 Smiling, 2 Friendly and 3 Safe? You've got to get her through these hurdles: Trusting you enough to write. Liking you enough to write. Trusting you enough to speak. Liking you enough to speak. Trusting you enough to meet. Liking you enough to meet. Trusting you enough to wait if you are late. Realising that if you haven't phoned it may be because your train is stuck in a tunnel. Trusting you enough to know you'll wait if she is delayed. Liking you enough to wait if you are late. Trusting you enough to know you are a friendly person who will trust her to be on her way and phone to let you know what's wrong if she's delayed. Later - on or after second date, give both of you time to think, go back to profile (unless you print it off and carry it in your pocket or have it in your mobile phone). Look at photos of the two of you in the restaurant - do you really want to be seen out together again; are they the age and weight they said and if not did that wonderful smile make up for it? Did they refuse to be photographed? Did they offer to photograph you? Did they ensure you look your best? Did they want to be taken with you - rare and very positive. Refusal - suggesting they are married, hate themselves and life and everybody, are pessimists, are prisoners on the run? Bearing in mind that she may actually have met somebody seriously scary. Or been stood up. Or already have ten scary photos. Or already have ten photos from Mr Nice. Or profiles from Mr Right. Or warnings from her worried mother, aunt, friend who would never do this. Or a girlfriend who tried it with bad results. Or a friend who had success and says it was because she is very picky. Is the photo you took or she took so much better than the one on the profile? Do you now smile whenever you look at their picture? Do you now understand her /his reluctance to put up a profile picture? Some men who take it upon themselves to send out warnings such as: a) You have to be safe. b) There are funny people on the internet. c) I would never put up a photo. Don't forget that if you have refused to display or send a photo, you are already sending signals that the enterprise is fraught with danger. So you have programmed her to be cautious. She is now worrying that: a) You have something to hide - your identity. b) Your motives and plans. e) Your weird personality. f) Your bizarre appearance. Do you want your photo to confirm her worst fears? Or to make her reply, 'You are just lovely!' So here we are at the first hurdle. Anybody whose photo looks the least bit suspect won't even get an answer. May not even get his profile read. Then he wants a private email - first letter asks for a private email. Just after I've had pop-up messages saying last message may have crashed my computer. I could reply: 1 I have 500 unanswered messages and ten strangers a day asking to be added and my laptop's going so slow I rarely check it so I'm not adding anybody new. 2 Besides it is seen by I teach so nobody from this site sending photos goes on it. 3 I've got family visitors over Xmas sharing my computer. What do you think? What do you think that other people think? Does anybody think? |
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6/25/2008 11:36 pm |
To the do I think question, that's an affirmative. After what you've written and I've read, I think that you've been on this roller coaster ride way too long. Though, I'll grant you this. You've now made quite sure that most no one would even want to date. You accomplished this in a very well written and witty style.
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Thank you for your thoughts. Oops - too long? Thanks for the compliment about my wit. You confirm what I said. People like to reply immediately to somebody whose photo shows them looking well dressed, happy and smiling, such as your good self.
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