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Blogs > educatedaccent > First Date - Public Place

Adventures With Satnav  

educatedaccent 74F
373 posts
8/18/2007 7:37 am

Last Read:
8/25/2007 5:32 am
Adventures With Satnav

I have a Satnav and I have finally learned how to use it, after a few adventures.

It was my birthday present. But I didn't know how to use it. You need a cable. It must be plugged in. You have to read an instruction book. Concentrate for more than one minute. Who does that nowadays? Every TV programme, soap opera, newspaper and magazine knows the average person can't concentrate for more than two minutes.

After one demo from my , I left poor puzzling satnav in its box until a long journey. Then I got it out. Must use it. This is what I bought it for.

We had fun when we first turned it on. You can choose from a dozen types of voices and we listened to them all. It can talk to you in an English accent or a frightfully refined English accent. Then an American accent - northern American - or a deep south American accent. An Australian accent. A South African accent. And several more.

Also male or female. I decided to be guided about by a man. More fun. It just seemed right. I have visions of this sexy man watching me from a computer screen. A bit like the webcam. Casanova is watching you.

So, my types in my home address under favourites. Then the destination. So far so good. Ready to go?

Into the car. Where's the cable? Back in the box. Get it out. Plug it into cigarette lighter. Where is the device for fixing it on the car windscreen?

We set off for the garage. (Not my garage. The petrol station.)

Play hunt the empty queue. Play hunt the petrol cap. Play drive closer to petrol pump. Play open car door and find out how to release cover over petrol cap. Play removing satnav in order to go and pay. Play guess which number pump I was at. Play find the car key. Play where did I put the three parts of the satnav.

I'm exhausted already and I'm still at the local petrol station. Now, here's the tricky part. waves good bye and drives off. I attach the satnav. It has turned itself off. I touched the satnav screen as I removed it. Maybe it's like a mobile phone? Yes, there's a pressure point at the top to turn it on.

People behind hoot so I drive off. The good old satnav immediately gives me directions. Only one problem. It has set itself to the default language. It is talking to me, a woman is talking to me. And her native language is Czech.

I do not speak Czech. Not one word. Maybe if I leave it on for the entire journey, over two hours, by the end I will be able to say a couple of words in Czech.

But not useful words. I will be able to say Third Exit. This is not much use when you want to ask for coffee in a Czech cafe. I won't even be able to say thank you. I'll only be able to say Turn Right After 500 yards.

Half wy to my destination I decide to stop for light relief. Remembering that you must not leave your Satnav in your car, I remove it.

I have a satnav which speaks Czech. But they don't know that.

I don't dare switch it off. I try to, as it's no use. I tap the screen and I'm back to English. I won't touch it again. I hide it in my bag and trot off. But he's still with me. I'm being followed. He can still see me. He knows where I am. The disembodied voice. 'Turn right!' he tells me.

I walk through the shopping mall tailed by the mystery man's male voice. People stare at me. Sounds like I'm an off-duty undercover police woman tailing a suspect: 'Turn right here. Turn left.'

Maybe they think I've escaped from a lunatic asylum. I'm guided by my minder. Or a robot. They won't let me wander off. I'm incapable of walking on my own. They take me to the toilet. When I open the door of the cubicle to come out, Satnav voice instructs me again. 'Turn left here.' It's a loud voice. Shouting commands. In the toilet.

It's a man's voice. In the ladies' toilet. Two Asian girls stare at me.

I wash my hands. I walk to the toilet exit. The voice tells me: 'Turn left.'

I'm relieved, in more ways than one, to be back in the car. I tap on 'favourites'. It now starts directing to me towards my home. That's a pity. Because I haven't yet reached my destination.
'Elizabeth'[
educatedaccent 74F
298 posts
8/19/2007 5:36 pm
    Quoting  :
Yup. Every machine is magic. Once you get over your fear of turning it on and off. Just remember that machines are smart, but you are smarter still.
'Elizabeth'[


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